Thankful Thursday #37

It's that time of the week!

1. Sunny weather. Everything is better when it's sunny. Your problems look smaller, your joys swell you up.
2. My boyfriend. Every day is a good day if I get to fall asleep next to my favourite person in the Universe.
3. My body. I have an amazing body (I'm not being vain here, I'm talking about a lot more than physical appearance). My body has dealt with every curved ball I've thrown its way and came up on top with joy. I push it by working out way past wanting to stop, by not always sleeping as much as I need or eating things I shouldn't and it has never let me down. The things I may not love about it (like the few pounds I could shed) are on me and me alone. My body is awesome!
4. Having a locker at work. I don't travel light, so having a locker where I can leave my work mug, my water bottle, my toothbrush, my work shoes, my work crockery and cutlery set, my spare mobile charger, my (you get the picture, I could go on) is a load off my back (literally!).
5. Disposable income. I'm going to have a few extra expenses in the next couple of months, so I am very fortunate that I have disposable income allows me to not have to go without anything or worry too much about my finances.
6. Late sunny reads. Yesterday I was reading in my sofa until almost 8pm before I needed to turn on the lights. I love longer sunny days!
7. New recipes. My personal trainer has sent me a few recipes for me to try and keep on top of my calorie intake, and I am actually super excited to give them a go!

Find your brew

In my 30-plus years on this Earth I have wrestled with the concept that I am not everyone's cup of tea. I mean, I understand it logically, but emotionally I still want to be the one who defies the odds by being loved by everyone. I am a self-professed people-pleaser and I like to be liked (I mean, who doesn't?). Sitting with the discomfort of not being liked is something I find extremely irksome and is been a life-long practice where some days are easier than others. Here is what I have learnt along the way:

1. The reason some people don't take to me are the very same reasons that make me so special to so many others. If I dull what makes me me I might blend in better, but I'll be... meh! I'd be a muted version of myself, and that is a disservice to myself and to everyone who loves me for who I am.

2. The fact that you are not everyone's cup of tea increases the value of the people to whom you are the perfect brew. If you were everyone's cuppa, how much harder it would be to find your tribe! Not being like by everyone shines a light on the people who matter. It makes them special, because they are rarer.

3. Palates and needs change. I used to find tea with milk disgusting, but after years of living in the UK, it's now become a Winter staple. I cannot function properly without a morning coffee, however I know that a drop caffeine anytime past 4pm and my sleep is done for. Same with people. There are people who grow on me (and the opposite) and I'll need different kinds of people in different circumstances. So instead of thinking that I am not someone's cup of tea, maybe it would be more accurate to say I am not their cup of tea right now, which my people-pleaser self find a much easier pill to swallow.

4. The discomfort of not being liked is just human biology doing its work. We are pack animals; being integrated in a group was essential to our pre-historic survival. We are wired to seek the group's approval, to be liked, to ensure we have a clan where we belong. In this regard, women are more prone to this than men, both due to nature and nurture. We have made huge progress in the last few decades, but deep down we still see women being thought of as ball-busters where men are perceived as determined (I could go on, you know where I'm going with this). So when I feel my stomach tying itself into knots, I try to remind myself that's my body doing it's thing.

5. Being disliked won't kill you. Some people won't like you. Some people will not agree with you. Some people may be less than civil about it and say and act in ways that could hurt you. That's life. You are probably on the other side of the same equation with other people who are not your cup of tea.

6. Other people's reaction to you says more about them than about you. I found this quote online that read "Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their inner demons" (no idea who the author is) and I think this hits the nail on the head. People who are honest in an unapologetic way rub me the wrong way, and I fully understand that the reason this irks me so much is that it goes directly against my own wiring. I abhor conflict, so I try to be as diplomatic as possible in my communication. People that cut through the crap and don't bother to pussyfoot give me a mixture of the shivers, resistance and admiration, because even though this is not the way I function, I definitely admire it.