2014 - The readings

Hello one and all! I trust you all had a fantastic Christmas and are all busy reviewing how 2014 went. Since we're getting close to the end of the year it's time for me to do the same, starting with the readings!

1. A Storm of Swords - Blood and Gold, George R.R. Martin ****
2. Looking for Alaska, John Green ***
3. Madrugada Suja, Miguel Sousa Tavares ****
4. Night Circus, Erin Mogenstern ****
5. A Feast for Crows, George R.R. Martin *****
6. The Book Thief, Marcus Zuzak ****
7. A Long Way Down, Nick Hornby ***
8. Levels of Life, Julian Barnes ***
9. The Bone Season ****
10. A Dance with Dragons - Dreams and Dust, George R.R Martin ****
11. A Desumanização, Valter Hugo Mãe ****
12. Forgive me, Leonard Peacock, Matthew Quick ***
13. The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger ***
14. Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell ****
15. The railway man, Eric Lomax ****
16. The Color Purple, Alice Walker *****
17. A Trança de Inês, Rosa Lobato Faria ***
18. Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said, Philip K. Dick ****
19. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens *****

And that's it for 2014! More exciting new reads in 2015!

Thankful Thursday # 13

So today of all days I thought it would be a good idea to bring Thankful Thursday back to life after so long. Here we go!

1. Christmas! It's that magical time of year, the most magical of all seasons! It's one of my absolute favourite days of the year because of all the great things it brings.
2. Fuzzy socks - because it's so darn cold!
3. My boyfriend. Of all that I've been blessed with throughout my life the fact that this wonderful person happened to think I was special and could make him happy still astounds me and it's still the biggest hit on the blessing list. I'm really lucky to have him in my life and only hope I can make him as happy as he makes me.
4. Lovely Christmas food. This year I'm trying to be good and not go overboard with the food frenzy and it's actually been okay. I haven't felt like I've eaten an entire village's calorie intake (which is in itself a massive success as most of you can attest) or that the food I've had was extremely indulgent. 
5. Christmas decorations. I'm a massive Christmas tree fan and if I could I'd have several around the house. As it is we only have the one, but we make a grand event of it, decorating it with Christmas decorations and other things that make us happy (like spaceships!). Also a recent fan of spreading our Christmas cards around the living room, it reminds us of the lovely people we have in our lives.
6. Scented candles - because they make any evening a bit more special.
7. Christmas at home. This year we happened to spend Christmas in our flat, just the two of us. We do miss our families and spending this day with day, but at the same time we're having loads of fun with just the two of us. No running around, no feast after feast, no one else around, just us in our pajamas, playing games and watching movies from our comfy sofa under a massive blanket. Chilled and fuss free.
8. Skype. Because this way we can still connect with the family and feel close to them on this special time of the year.
9. Sunny mornings. No justification needed, sunny mornings are just better. Period.
10. Extended Christmas break. This year the holidays have fallen perfectly on a Thursday and a Friday, giving us a nice four day break. In a word: bliss!

30 ahead

It was just another day, commuting back home from the office, and just like that it hit me that in little over 14 months I'll be turning 30.

30.

I've spent most of my life yearning for my thirties, daydreaming about how put together my life would be and how much I'd have achieved by then. I truly believed that by the age of 30 I'd have moved out of my dad's, I'd be in a serious relationship and have a proper grown-up job. I'd drive my own car and plan my own life, taking pleasure in even the smallest and dullest of details, like doing my own laundry and managing not to turn all my clothes marshmallow pink. I'd have time for my hobbies, for the musicals and the books and the movies and everything else under the sun that caught my eye. And I'd have good friends around me. And I'd travel somewhere new a couple of times a year.

And to be honest, it's not like I'm that far behind (reading the words as they pour out of my fingers you'd think I'm actually right on schedule!), but I want more from my twenties. And so it's time to start planning my grand exit. To make 29 the best year yet. And then let the next decade try and top it up!

Yeah, that sounds like a plan...

Autumn is coming

So it seems the dawn of a new season is swiftly upon us and because I refuse to succumb to the gloom and doom of leaving Summer behind, here is a list of all the amazing things to be enjoyed this season:

1. The pavement covered in crunchy yellow leaves. It's an eternal childhood joy, stepping on freshly fallen leaves and hearing them crunch under our feet. Also, it makes for pretty pictures.
2. Long sleeves. I do love the lightness of leaving the house without a massive bundle of a coat, but there's something comforting about pulling on your sleeves.
3. Steaming cups of tea. Wrapping your hands around a steaming cuppa - what could be better?
4. Cosy indoor plans. Gaming and watching movies on the sofa, especially when there's someone to cuddle up to - yes, please!
5. The sound of rain falling (all the sweeter when you're inside or even better - in bed).
6. Cinnamon and pumpkin flaroured everything. Lattes, pastries, cakes, it seems coffee shops sell nothing else when Autumn kicks in.
7. Heavier bedding. I'm the sort of person that likes to burrow when sleeping, so I happily welcome an extra duvet for the colder seasons.
8. Soups and one pot meals. Out with light and fresh salads and barbecues (that I very much love) and in with good hearty food!
9. Candlelight. It's the sign that Autumn is truly here, when I start feeling a growing desire for light up candles around the house. It just feels so... cosy! (yes, I know I'm very big with that word).
10. Slippers, socks and all manner of fluffy things. Having your feet alfresco might feel great but there's no denying how comfy a nice pair of socks feels, especially in the comfort of your own home.
11. French and jazzy music. Maybe that's just me, but I have a special place in my heart for French music playing in the background and every year Autumn seems to rekindle this love with a burning flame.
12. Crafty projects. Sock puppets, knitting and sewing feel better in the colder months. Firstly because wool and Summer sweaty hands don't really go together. Secondly because your house feels so much more inviting and warm and handmade projects are a great way to fill up that extra time indoors in between movies and games (maybe that last part is just me...)
13. All this cosiness indoors naturally prompts more reading time, and in my book that's always a plus.

So come on in, Autumn, and be most welcome. I'm sure we'll get along fine this year!

Meerkats just wanna have fun

So R.'s been gone for five days and although I miss him to bits I'm marvelling at all the wonderful things I get to do while he's gone, so much so that I've decided to compile a list of fun stuff to do (I realise this is for my own enjoyment only, so feel free to scroll down for more interesting stuff).

1. Knit in the big sofa. It's a two-seat, so when he's around I never knit on the sofa because I keep poking him with the needles and believe it or not he doesn't like that.
2. Watch whatever movies I feel like it whenever I want. We have a lot in common when it comes to cinematic taste, but still it's nice to know I do whatever I please and go crazy without feeling guilty for putting him through a two hour musical with no plot.
3. Sleep on the whole bed when it's hot. When I fall asleep I get really hot really fast, especially in the Summer. However, because I have the bed all to myself I simply roll over to his side whenever I get uncomfortably hot until it cools and I can roll back to my side.
4. Detoxing. Because I'm by myself and I'm too lazy to cook proper meals for one everyday I've taken the opportunity to do an impromptu detox. For the past few days I've been living on natural juices, fruit, soup, water, coffee, one daily portion of grilled meat and roasted veg. I haven't lost any weight (yet!) but I feel like my body has been decluttered, that it has more energy and it's much much happier.
5. Having a reading fest. You know when you just want to read for hours? Well for the past and next few days I can go crazy! Put some French music on, grab a book and curl up for however long until my reading thirst has been sated. 
6. Impromptu plans. I'm completely living in the moment, simply because I don't have anyone but me to deal with or worry about and it feels great to have a few selfish days! And if I feel the urge to go shopping at 3am (which hasn't happened yet), I know I can.
7. Soliloquys around the house. It sounds ridiculous but I'm taking great pleasure from knowing that if I want I can just start doing the St Crispin's Day speech completely out of the blue and for no good reason. Or that I can spontaneously burst into song or do silly dances and no one will worry I might have lost the plot.
8. Having a cleaning frenzy. You know when you just want to clear everything out of a room, clean it, sort it and then put everything back in? When I clean I prefer to have an early start and work my way into nightfall or until the task is finished. I'm a do it in one go kind of person, whereas R. is more of a lets compartmentalise the effort and spread it over a longer period of time kind of person. But not today! Today is the day when I get through every little thing we have in the closet and sort some of the paperwork we've been piling up for ages. Rock on!
9. Have Friends on all the time. We all like to have something going on the background to keep us company. R. likes QI and Mythbusters, which is grand, I have Friends. And the beauty of it is that is almost always on, you just need to find the right channel. And it keeps me company as I go about my business in the house.
10. Rediscovering what a fun person I am. No R. and no job means that I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever I want. Of course I still have basic stuff I need to go through (job hunting, job interviews, exercising (meh!), keeping the house clean and tidy-ish) but outside of that it's all about me. And that's great because I'm awesome!

Thankful Thursday # 12

It's been a while since the last time I did one of these. I must confess that things haven't been particularly easy for me for the past few weeks what with being unemployed for a bit over two months. I miss my old job and I hate jobhunting - I do it really well and am super organised and on top of things, but nevertheless I hate doing it. So I haven't really been in the mood to make a list of happy things. Today is the day I challenge that, at least for a bit, so shall we?

1. My boyfriend. Just having someone by my side is great because it helps so much to keep me grounded to reality, but to have this particular blend of awesomeness in my life is absolutely amazing. After so many job applications and interviews if it weren't for him I don't think I'd cope with what my life is so well. It's not just the support and the personalised emotional cheerleading; it's the strength and focus I find just by being next to him.
2. True Summer in the Midlands. Nice weather goes a long way to helping you keep your spirits up so I've been delighted with this past week - sunny, bright and hot, just like I like it!
3. Healthy food. I'm trying to make a change and give up sweets for a while and whilst that feels like a herculean task it's made considerably easier by thinking of all the fruit and fresh produce I get to have on my meals. I've done one serious day of intense fruit and veg intake and already my body feels more vibrant, like it's humming with energy, so onwards with it!
4. Having time for projects. Remember when you keep postponing tasks like reorganizing your pantry or decluttering your closet because you simply don't have the time? Well, I am channelling my extra time and energy on an enormous list of projects. To make matters more interesting, a few weeks ago R. found an app where you can create your virtual house (imagine Sims, but with the correct measurements of your actual home), so I'm having fun moving my virtual furniture around before starting to shuffle the real physical stuff.
5. Being on my own. This year sadly my and R. had to have our holidays separately which means that for the past five days I've had the house all to myself. Instead of dwelling on how much I miss him I am focusing on how much fun I can have solo. This means that when my side of the bed gets too hot in the middle of the night I can simply roll over to the other side. Or that I can knit in the big sofa without having to worry about hitting R. with the needles. Or that I can spend all my free time watching an entire season of Friends in one go. It's a world of choice!
6. Getting up early. I'm one of those people that when they don't have an alarm clock set they end up going to bed increasingly later and getting up almost at lunchtime. And whilst there's nothing wrong with that it's not something I particularly enjoy because it makes me feel that I've lost half the day by the time I wake up. However this time I'm proud to say I have been a very good girl, going to bed no later than midnight and getting up around 7am. I'd get myself a treat if I weren't a) on a diet and b) saving money due to lack of income, so never mind that!

No Garfield Mondays

Let me start by saying that I have always been a Garfield fan. I just love that cat and all other character that come with him (except Nermal, that cat's an idiot show-off!).

However, despite my love of the daily comic strip, I think ultimately Garfield's bad for someone who's trying to start a new week on the right foot. It's just bad juju to start your Monday saying you hate it. Plus it tastes of defeat and personal sabotage, doesn't it?

Yes, it's amusing to make fun of things like hating going to work, laziness, binge-eating and dog-kicking, but I'm afraid that on some (very real) level laughing at it just makes all those flaws more acceptable when really it shouldn't. I believe a bit of humour towards your shortcomings is important for a sane mind and healthy personal relationship with oneself, but that should never serve as an excuse or delay to change and improvement.

And how can you expect to have a wonderful week when the first thing you do is groan at its first day? To dismiss it outright as bad and horrible because it means you have to go to work instead of lazying about all day. What about all the other great things about it like your first cup of coffee or listening to your favourite music on the way to work? What if we started the week being grateful and happy for the small things that make every day (even Mondays) great? And what if we could even muster a bit of hope towards of all the great things that may be? Wouldn't that be something?

Maybe - just maybe - this is just me being extra sensitive due to the fact that I've been out of a job for almost two months and feel an ever increasing need to surround myself with positive thoughts and thus at this point in my life I can't exactly see Garfield as a friend. Not on Mondays at least. Because I need good weeks ahead. And it starts right here in my head.

So join me - close your eyes and take a breath. Now focus on one good thing in your life right now and on all other wonderful things to happen this week. And... go!

Surviving jobhunting

Jobhunting is far from being all puppies and rainbows. Especially if you're unemployed whilst doing it it's downright soul-destroying. So how do you survive it? How do you keep from going mental and coming out on the other side as a strong individual? Well, I don't actually have a magic potion to share, but here's what I try to implement in my case!

1. Grieve. Jobhunting is a brutal business, so give yourself some time (key work here being some!) to heal before getting back up and getting yourself out there. It's alright to feel a bit lost and sad because of this new reality. Sometimes you need to take a step back so you can take two steps forward. To gain momentum, like pushing a coiled spring downwards before releasing it.
2. Make a plan. Don't just go through the motions, instead take the time to draw up a plan of what you want to do first, then second, then third, etc. Start with tweaking your CV, then see what comes next. You can create a profile on several jobhunting websites, contact recruitment agencies directly and see if you can be one of their candidates, jobhunt for jobs online, etc.
3. Be organised. Keep track of what you're doing. I find that keeping a spreadsheet with all the jobs I've applied to on any given day will help keep track of my progress and monitor how well things are going. Don't deceive yourself saying you've applied to loads of things - be specific and know your numbers! If you do create that handy spreadsheet, try to keep it tidy and updated as much as possible. I separate my applications by website, so that I can easily see when was the last time I visited any of my regular places. This way I never stay away for too long and never miss any new jobs. I also take the time to colour code it to highlight the jobs that have rejected my application or the ones I'm currently chasing.
4. Make your own schedule. Having some routine is key to keeping your cool longterm. I get up every workday at 7am and find it does me a world of good as opposed to just sleeping in. Jobhunting is a serious business, so I try to face it like a pro! I do it Monday to Friday and a bit on Saturday mornings before starting off my well deserved weekend. I like stability, so having a sort of regular life whilst unemployed helps to keep my sanity close to intact. Find how to have a productive day and then stick to it on a regular basis.
5. Keep a diary. Everyday I make a list of everything I want to achieve that day. From making the bed and making a load of laundry to jobhunting, booking a dental appointment or chasing up on that interview I'm supposed to hear about soon. And then as the day goes by I make my way through that list, ticking everything I've done so far. This make sound a bit childish, but truth be told it makes a huge difference to me. Since I've started doing this I've never felt the days slowly dragging along again. It also keeps my laziness at bay by reminding me of what I still have to do that day.
6. Pamper yourself. Jobhunting is hard, so take a bit here and there to pamper yourself. Take yourself out to lunch once a week or take a 20 minute break with your book and a cup of tea. Heck, if you're ahead of your own schedule take a bit of the afternoon off and go to the cinema. And make sure to put it all on your diary-list-thingy. Look at those pampering moments and therapeutic breaks for your sanity and to reboost your ego. And it's always another tick!
7. Find a new project. I believe you should be serious about your jobhunting; do it a few hours everyday and keep a close eye on everything that's going on. That being said I don't think it doable to jobhunt for eight hours a day every single day. Not without going crazy within 72 hours or less. So with the time you have left in your day try to find a new project. Remember when you still had a job and kept postponing things because you didn't have the time? Well you can make the most of it now! I'm currently going through my cupboards and trying to maximise storage space in our flat, next I might get some crafts projects going, start on the Christmas batch of handmade presents.
8. Clock out. If you're serious about your jobhunting and do it regularly and methodically then there should be no reason for you to feel guilty for switching off your computer at 6pm (or whatever time you decide is best for you). The beauty of being serious about it during your work week is that you can enjoy your time "out of the office" guilt free. Because - to me at least! - there's nothing worse than when jobhunting takes over your life and you feel bad for having a nice life outside of it. When you feel guilty because you're not hooked to your computer looking for yet another role to apply to.
9. Stay positive. In the end it's just a numbers game. Do your best and the rest will follow. And in the meantime make the most of your "free" time. Make it count and believe something great is always just about to happen. Sooner or later it'll happen, so there's no need to drive yourself into despair until then!

The angst from a world of choice

I love to read. Always have and suspect always will. When people ask me what I like to read I'm often at a loss for words because I can read pretty much anything. Mostly I read fiction and I tend to stay away from girly romance stuff and crime/horror novels. Other than that I'll read anything that remotely spikes my interest. So I'm acutely, painstakingly aware that I will never - ever! - read all the books I want even if I devoted my life entirely to that wonderful task. There are just too many books!

The problem here is mostly the variety of genres and topics I will pick up. Say you're a hardcore sci-fi reader. You have a vast but limited amount of titles to choose from and throughout the years you can feel that you are actually making a dent, you can see your progress and call yourself a true hardcore sci-fi reader. Me on the other hand, not so much. Because I have such varied taste in books I can't actually call myself an expert on anything. And worst of all, the number of titles on my do-read list is endless (and growing bigger and bigger by the year). Which is why I say if I were ever given the choice of a superpower I'd choose the ability to freeze time so I could make the most of all by hobbies and have time for all those books!

And the same applies to everything else. People sometimes point out that I don't stick to things, that I'll be doing yoga or knitting a scarf and without rhyme or reason, at the flick of an invisible switch, I'll stop and move on to something else (sometimes I'll get back to it within a week or a year, sometimes I won't). There just isn't enough time, people! So I'll dab a bit here and a bit there, try a bit of this and a bit of that because it's just physically impossible to seriously devote myself to the things I love because there's just too many of them and only one of me! So unless I get bitten by a very special kind of spider, I don't think I can change things that much.

Picture this: you're a grown-up with a full-time job and a flat that you share with your loved one. In your spare time (which you can see is limited) you'd like to read loads of books, watch loads of movies, stitch, knit, dance, sing, do yoga, learn French, learn Spanish, socialise, travel, play loads of boardgames, etc, etc, etc. Either you pick a couple and neglect everything else, or you take turns between your hobbies. Simple as that.

I haven't got this completely down yet (who knows if I ever will!) but for now the trick is to focus on what you're doing and not look at the bigger picture too much. If I look around my local bookshop too much I'll end up like a hyperactive puppy on coffee, just running around and thinking to myself "I want this one, and this one and - oh look!, shiny! I want that one as well!" Not a pretty picture. Not to mention the angst of knowing you'll never get through them all.

Other than that I just go with the flow. Yes, I'm like a fickle butterfly going from flower to flower without a care in the world, but all these things I've mentioned are hobbies, so what does it matter how I go about it or if I ever become a master at any of them? As long as I'm having fun, right?

Thankful Thursday # 11

I can't believe it's this time of the week again. Not that I'm complaining, I love my weekly day of gratitude, I just can't understand where time is going... Anyway here we are and it's time to get thankful!

1. My family. This hasn't been an item in a while, partly because I live so far away from them and we interact so little that it's all too easy to forget to mention them here. We've lived through some really hard times but over the years (especially this year) I've come to realise how important my family is to the person I am today. All things considered they've been a lot more supportive of this new adventure of mine than I could've expected. When your dad pulls an all-nighter to drive you to the airport at 4am and hugs you goodbye with a smile (even though you've caught him tear up when you were in line for the check in) you know you have a reason to be thankful.
2. My boyfriend. These past couple of weeks we've been apart and I don't think I went a moment without his support. I'm extraordinarily lucky to have someone by my side that is so understanding and supportive. He encourages me to be better and better and he has my back whenever the Universe decides to pull the rug from under my feet.
3. Sunny days in the UK. I just got back from Portugal, where it's nice and sunny and I was having such a nice time I didn't want to come back to the Midlands. So waking up to a sunny day is the best way to get back on track and fall in love with my adopted country again. Thank you, weather gods, you've done good today!
4. The Lisbon book fair. I used to go every single year and have only missed the last three due to living abroad and never being in Lisbon during the fair. For everyone in the Midlands, imagine the German Christmas market but with good weather and books. It's been expertly organised, with little stalls of traditional food turned fancy, lots of places to sit and chill in the shade, events and activities and... cheaper books! What's not to love. I went a bit crazy (having been deprived of the experience for three years!) and got myself 12 new babies to read. Result!
5. Keeping myself busy. When you're out of a job it's massively important to stay busy. If I didn't I'd end up not getting out of bed by the third day. Last time I was unemployed I had to come up with a system to stay busy and on top of things at all times, so now it feels like slipping an old familiar glove in your hand. I know when I get up, what time I go to bed and what my goals and plans are for the in between times. And boy does this help!
6. My impromptu holiday in Portugal. I know I'm still a bit zonked and massively missing my country and family, but it was exactly what I needed to set me right for this new (and hopefully brief) chapter of my life. I've been with the people I love, I grieved the loss of something truly great and I've matured my plans for the future. And now onwards with my life! See you next week, everyone!

Thankful Thursday # 10

Good morning, everyone! Without further ado here are this week's reasons to be happy:

1. Being with the people you love. Having been here last ten months ago I have missed everyone terribly. And thankfully part of that longing doesn't rear its ugly head until I actually see them again, which is good, you get to kill that I've missed you feeling straight away. And I've been gleefully murdering it every day.
2. Family birthdays in person. Because I only visit Portugal in the Summer and during the Christmas holidays I resigned myself to the idea that there were a lot of things I would forever miss. Namely spending family birthdays with my family. Well, today's my brother's birthday (and tomorrow's my aunt's) and I'm here! Hurray!
3. Portuguese bread. Seriously. If I could I would empty my suitcase and travel to the UK bringing nothing but pounds and pounds of delicious bread. Damn it, why did I have to bring pointless things like clothes and mobile chargers?
4. Having quiet head space. Yummy moments with no one around, just the music you want to listen to and the things you want to do, no strict schedules, so you can take your time, and just treasure your own company.
5. The book fair. The book fair, everyone! Again, as said in #2, I never imagined I would see another book fair for many, many years to come. And yet due to this unexpected turn of events here I am, ready to hunt for literary bargains and have farturas (think churros without the filling) in the park.
6. A sunny weekend at the beach. I don't want to jinx it, so I almost didn't write about it, but here goes... The weather's been crappy since I got here (literally, it turned the day I landed) and tomorrow we're heading off to the beach for a few days. It's basically a bring your sunscreen and your book scenario. Nothing much to do but bask in the sun and read 200 pages a day. Yes please!
7. Finding your off switch. I'm a worrier and it stresses me out. Yet somehow most times my brain still retains the power to switch off the ability to see grand picture and be happy with minor details of my life. I could be freaking out because I've been made redundant a couple of weeks ago. Instead I choose to detatch myself from that for now and enjoy my impromptu holiday. I may not have a job at the moment but hey! cheaper books and birthday cakes!
8. Getting closure and having an action plan. The good thing about seeing all your friends and family is that every time you meet someone for the first time during the holiday you have to explain yet again what happened to your former job and what you're planning to do next. I was actually dreading it because I didn't think it would give me a chance to get any closure and move on, but I found that it really helps. Having to repeat myself on this issue again and again helps me to remember the great things I can take away from my job, how much I loved it and everyone in it, how much I learned and grew and it solidifies my resolve leaving me increasingly more confident with my plans for the future. And that's just plain awesome!

Thankful Thursday # 9

Have you missed this space, boys and girls? I have, but it so happens that weeks have been flying by so fast that I never remember it's Thursday until we get to Friday. So lets seize this opportunity and carry on this fine tradition:

1. Sunshine. It just makes everything better. And it certainly makes me happier and in a great mood.
2. Being home with the family. This has been an unexpected turn of events, having an impromptu holiday, but I decided to make the most of it and just enjoy the time spent next to my loved ones.
3. My lovely boyfriend. In the face of a new crisis he is my rock and he is the sort of person to let me do whatever is best to heal myself. Even if that means dropping our plans so I can fly back to Portugal for a bit.
4. The last five months. I've never - ever! - been as happy as I've been in the past five months. It pains me that there's nothing in my power that would allow me to extend that period of time indefinitely, but I won't cry over it (anymore). I will hold my head high and my heart open, still bursting from all the good I got from that time, and I will brave my future with a smile, knowing those five months made me a better person.
5. Portuguese food. Losing weight and keeping a diet whilst on holiday in Portugal takes a will of steel. It's one thing to dream of chocolate kidneys (not actual kidneys covered in chocolate, we're not that mad), it's quite another to see them less than a foot away and actually being able to buy them.
6. Having time for myself. I don't actually feel I needed it that much, to be honest, however I'm determined to make the most of it and to enjoy it as much as possible. To take it as an opportunity to do things I don't normally get to do. To go on an adventure by myself.

Where is the life that once I led?*

Three days ago I was leading my life as normal. It was just another awesome day. I was happy, everything in my life seemed to be coming together. I had a job I loved, I was maddly in love with the greatest man I've ever met and with whom I've been sharing my life and a flat for almost three years, I was surrounded by amazing people, I had my holidays booked for the summer and then Christmas at my dad's (finally!), loads of cute little plans for the next couple of weeks of getting together with friends, going to Comic Con in London, picnics and all sorts of outings.

And then something changed. And my life seems to have been turned upside down like one of those snow globes that you shake and I know that even when I manage to get back to the right position and angle nothing will be the same. The snowflakes that made up my life will fall differently and I will need to adjust to a new reality.

I have decided that I will be positive about it. Or as positive as I can. Make no mistake, I am distraught. The life I was living was close to perfect. So no, I do not want it to change, not one small bit of it. And yet it must. So the only choice I have in the matter is how to face the storm. In the words of Daenerys Targaryen "If I look back I am lost", so instead of acknowledging what I've lost and how awesome my life was just three days ago I need to look forward. I need to think how I can make this new reality work. I need to distill these past few months and take with me only the good bits that will allow me to have a brighter future than I would've had if those five months hadn't existed at all.

I will persevere and I will weather this storm better equiped than I've ever been before. Sure, it hurts now. It will probably still hurt for a very long time. But as the days go by I believe the choices I've made so far will turn out to be the right ones for me. I have a sort of plan. And somehow it will work out in the end. Because happiness isn't just a collection of good things that happen to you, but the sum of effort, luck, the right frame of mind and a desire to make things work. 

*Kiss me Kate, The Musical

April in review

Wow it's been a while since I last wrote anything, which, boys and girls, is a sign of a busy life! Yes, it's been a whirlwind of events lately. And I find myself more than halfway through May to a point where it's getting a bit hard to think back on my life a few weeks ago. But lets give it a shot nonetheless, shall we?

The grand event in April was our trip to Morocco. It was the setting in stone of this new chapter in our lives. The new job brought a world of hope with it and we could see so many new milestones practically within our grasp, a life with proper holiday getaways such as a short trip to Morocco. The trip itself was absolutely amazing - two days in Marrakesh and two days in the desert. I rode a camel even though I'm massively scared of heights. We spoke a mish-mash of several languages put together. We dared to explore a country that put us way out of our comfort zone, where if you got lost you had no way to even read the street signs. Where food and customs were so different from our own. And we had a great time!

In April I celebrated three months at the new job. Still massively in love with it, every day a bit more. Everything about it is still perfect and it is with great joy that I get up every monday morning and head off to another fun day doing my job around such great people.

In terms of leisure this was the month when we started exploring a bit more. We had a falconry session somewhere in Sheffield. We explored some of our local restaurants. We went abroad. We discovered new places and new things to do in the Midlands.

Also there was Lent. 40-odd days with no chocolate. To be honest I never truly believed I could pull it off all the way to the end, but somehow I persevered through the whole thing, for which I am massively happy! And now who knows? The sky is the limit when you realise that most of your short-comings and limitations are only in your head.

And that's it for April, boys and girls. Soon enough there'll be another month for me to reflect upon, so let me get on with my life, shall I?

Overcoming the small impossible

Let me tell you about my relationship with chocolate. Me and chocolate go way back. Further than what you're probably thinking. More than just loving it and craving it I think there's a sort of emotional connection on a primal level. Eat chocolate - feel better, kinda thinking. I tend to have it every time I feel deeply sad or stress and it always makes me feel less (insert bad feeling here). Emotional disarray always leads to chocolate. Great joys lead to chocolate as well because you feel invencible and it's not the lack of a bit of chocolate that is going to dampen your happiness, so you celebrate with chocolate.

And such were my childhood and teenage years. But the thing is I'm a grown up now and even though I now have the tools to face my own problems and actively live the life I want to have, the chocolate as a drug and a need has never left. And I genuinely thought I could manage, cut a bit here and there, but that it would always be here. I love chocolate. I do. But ours isn't a healthy relationship because this is not something I can be without for very long. Thirteen days was my record. Until now.

Looking at my life right now this is my strongest year by far. I have a job I love, I have wonderful people around me and I go home to the most amazing man I've ever met. I'm healthy, I'm happy and I lead a good life. So if ever there was a time to start this was it. This year, a bit on a whim, I decided on Pancake Day to give up chocolate for Lent. Cold turkey, just like that. And in my head I thought "Yeah, yeah, lets entertain this for as long as possible... which will not be 40 days, not a chance... ever!" Every day I got a bit more surprised that I was still going strong. And now here I am, less than 24 hours from the end of my own challenge with my chocolate intake at a glowing zero.

I never thought I'd last the whole of Lent. Ever. Eeeever!! So to be able to prove to myself that I can, is a complete game changer. The truth of the matter is I undersell myself constantly. It's a by-product of years and years of traumatic experiences that I should by now have overcome. I didn't think I had it in me to do this, which is why I had never attempted this before. This proves how much I can accomplish if I put my mind to it. This small and massive victory will be extrapolated and incorporated into other areas of my life. If I think I can, then I'm already halfway there.

I feel proud and well chuffed. I did it. By George, I really did it (break into song, everyone!) I overcame my limitations because I dared to. I will continue to eat chocolate, not nearly as much as before, but a bit every now and then. But the humdinger is I will never become its bitch again. No more clutches and dependencies for me. This was a much needed breakup of an unhealthy relationship and there'll be no going back!

Downfall

A few weeks ago I heard one of the most famous Portuguese pop singers is working in a McDonalds. A few days ago I found in a gossip magazine that one of Portugal's best known actors is working in a clothes shop. Times are hard. Harder than they've ever been. I don't mean to say any of these jobs are in any way demeaning, not at all. There's no shame in honest hard work (I've worked in sandwich shops for two years myself), but the example goes to show how tough things are back home.

Meanwhile the term "brain drain" has earned daily usage as more and more young and highly educated people desert the country in hopes of a better future elsewhere. Or even just a future. It's sad when you realize that the friends you left behind - people that work as University professors or have office jobs in high profile companies - are bringing home less money than you cleaning tables in a foreign country (for which I'm deeply grateful on my end of things).

I abandoned ship before it started to sink and for different reasons, chiefly among them because I wanted to share my life with the most wonderful person I've ever met, and that meant moving a thousand miles from home. Whatever my reasons were I'm glad I did it. I love my life here. Living in the Midlands I know that if all goes well and if I work hard enough I can look forward to many happy milestones - marriage, our own house, kids, the whole suburban dream. Maybe even have a bit left over for a few treats - holidays, days out, etc. And I'm not sure I'd have any of this if I had stayed back home.

It's deeply saddening to see your homeland fare so badly and people living worse and worse. But in the long run you only have one life to live and I'm happy with the choices I've made so far. And who knows? Maybe things will pick up back home. They could hardly do otherwise. Fingers crossed.

Thankful Thursday # 8

It's been a while since we've done this, boys and girls, and I feel I've become a bit rusty. Never fear, it's time for another go! Here's this today's blessings:

1. My job. For the last few weeks I've seen people I love being drained of all their energy because conditions at the workplace are unsustainable on so many levels. So I'm really, really grateful that my job is very much a happy place for me.
2. Vegetarian days. For the second time in a month I've had a bit of a vegetarian phase without actually realising it until I was well into it. This makes me feel extraordinarily happy. Who knew the person that could barely tolerate a few leaves of lettuce on her plate and that had to make an effort to eat a piece of fruit a week could spend almost a full week on fruit and veg and giving up chocolate? Which brings me to the next item...
3. My Lent challenge. I'm not a religious person (even though I was raised catholic) but I'm a sucker for challenges (sometimes it's even the only way to get me to do things I'm not particularly excited about). And I'm well proud to say that 30 days into it and I have not broken my promise yet. Hurrah, this would call for a treat, except that would sort of defeat the purpose... Damn it!
4. The personal pampering time I had for myself last night. I've been feeling really, really tired and drained of energy (that's lack of proper sleep and a few busy weekends for you) and yesterday I decided to make the most of my time alone in the house. I did my workout, tidied up and then went to bed at 7:35. And for about 90 minutes I read my book, drank my tea, listened to French music on my laptop and did some stitching, all of it done in the comfort of our bed. It was utter bliss and I'm feeling so much more energised now!
5. Daffodils. Tis the season to see the roads all peppered with white and yellow and it's absolutely lovely. It's the coming of Spring (although someone bring the good tidings upstairs, because I don't think anyone from the sky department has heard of it yet, what with all the cloudy weather we've been having) and everything looks so much prettier and brighter. All we need now is a bit of sunshine and more warmth.

And here we are! Same time next week?

March in review

March is difficult month to look back on precisely because, much like January and February it went by in a flash. I know I keep repeating myself, but seriously, where's the time flying to and why is it in such a hurry to be gone?

So I'll list simply some of the details that I can remember off the top of my head of yet another month that went past in a blur faster than a bullet train.

March was my third month at the new job and I can say I'm still immensely happy in that department (which would help account to the speed at which time seems to fly nowadays). March was when we went to our first Comic Con and had such a great time we're already planning the next one in a few months. It is the month when the Portuguese celebrate Father's Day, to which I played my part in advance and sent a parcel full of goodies back home. It was a fairly busy social month. In March I had the very first fully vegetarian week of my life, all without even trying (in fact I only realized the absence of meat in my diet by day 5). No, I didn't turn to the green side, I'm very much a meat eater, but it's great to see how much healthier my relationship with fruit and veg is.

By far the greatest achievement in the whole month was a half hearted challenge I posed myself - to do Lent properly and give up chocolate for 40 days. I never - ever! - expected to go all the way, it was just nice and healthy to give it a go and see how far I could make it. The most I've ever spend without my drug of choice was 13 days a few years ago. Now I'm well chuffed to announce that 28 days into it and still no chocolate has touched my lips (they've come very close... I've sniffed a lot of chocolate, but I've managed to resist temptation so far).

On a very close second is my exercise program. I managed to exercise 24 out of 31 days. Not a brilliant score, but really not bad. I don't see a thing on the scale, but I can see a massive difference in the mirror, and that's really where it counts, right?

And so it is with a smile that we turn to April, a month with a lot in store. So, that being said, it's time to log off and get started!

Planning ahead

One thing I've learned is that there are some celebratory days from home that cannot go amiss. Even though you're living abroad some dates from your homeland must still stand, if not for your sake, for the sake of the loved ones you left behind. Because even though you're somewhere new where you can clearly feel (and see) you've turned a new leaf,  where there's new customs and ways to learn, for them the world is still the same minus your presence and the gap you left in their lives.

Remembering and acting accordingly takes effort. You might think it won't, that you'll always remember those dates, but don't underestimate the importance the media has in being our calendar. This year if it wasn't for the Portuguese podcast I listen to every morning on my way to work I'd surely have forgotten about Father's Day until it was too late. If you think about it you probably never had to remember an important celebratory day without it being fully advertised at least two weeks in advance. Think about it... I'm sure you can now see how right I am in this. Unknowingly and without much effort we rely on the media to remind us of the important dates. Christmas, Valentines, Easter, Mother's Day, Pancake Day, etc, etc. You think it's all you, but if all that visual reinforcement wasn't there can you really be so sure you'd remember?

Then there's the matter of time. When you live nearby to those you love a card and a present bought on the eve of the event might suffice. When you live a thousand miles away... not so much. So you need to remember with time to spare and act in advance. To mail a present or arrange some sort of surprise for the person intended.

The trickiest one for me is Father's Day. Because it's a day that is also celebrated in the UK I think my brain kind of relaxes a bit and doesn't dwell on it too much. The problem is that here Father's Day is in June and in Portugal is in March. So if I want to send a Father's Day card to my dad I have two options: 1) print one myself when closer to the date or 2) buy one in June and pray I still remember where the hell I've put it when March comes rolling by. Or 3) buy a father's birthday card and scratch the birthday bit. I guess which one happened this year? Exactly, 3).

Anyhoot, the message here is simple: remember, remember, your loved ones are still living by their country's calendar, not your new one, so if you want to keep celebrating those special days you need to go about it with a lot less spontaneity than you did before. Planning here is key to making everyone happy. And avoid nasty last minute surprises. Which I guess we can all do without.

A meerkat in Paris

Last year we had a short getaway to Paris. It was in a word idillic, in two movie-like. We arrived at our little hotel close to the Gare du Nord at night, spent the next day strolling around the city doing many touristy things and flew back the next (before I had time to eat half the city's supply of macaroons). And it was absolutely perfect. Paris is a city destined to steal hearts. At least mine.

Oddly enough I think I appreciate Paris all the more now that I'm living abroad. Because this city (and I guess France in general) feels so much closer to home than the UK. Don't get me wrong, I love love love living in the Midlands, but this is a land where I had to adapt and learn so much because even the tiny things are so different from the way things are in Portugal. In Paris I would look outside our window and if I ignored the street names and the language I could pretend I was in downtown Lisbon. Because the city itself and the culture are so close to home. It makes sense for things to be this way, I mean, Portugal and France are both romance cultures, whereas the UK is germanic so those two are bound to be closer. Also for decades France has been the number one destination for Portuguese that wish to live abroad, so I imagine you could easily find a community to support you and all your national cravings.

And it got me thinking - what would've happened if I (we) had chosen to move to France instead? Language-wise it might have been harder at first, simply because I dedicated so much of my life to master the English language and practically ignored the French, even though it's so much closer to my mother tongue. But two weeks, maybe a month, and I'd be fine on that score. Architecturally it'd be bittersweet because it would be so much closer to home and yet it would be someplace new. Still, very small learning curve, I believe. Culturally it would be much easier than the UK. I find the French frame of mind is very similar to the Portuguese, so again, very low impact. Moving to France would be like being a foreigner in a parallel, alternate version of home. Sure it isn't the same as being in Portugal, several things I can't even think of now would make it hard to adapt, maybe we'd have to jump through different hoops than the ones we had when moving to the UK, yet I can't help but feel that overall it would've been so much easier.

One the flight back I was a bit sadden by all the troubles and tribulations that could have been avoided had we made a different geographic choice. How much simpler it could've been. How much closer to home we could be on so many aspects. I envied all the foreigners living in Paris for how easy they had it.

But that's all neither here nor there. At the end of the day I know all those feeling and thoughts were nothing more than a meaningless fancy born of the desire to cling to my own hometown. I love living here, I moved to this country for a variety of reasons and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Sure, when in Paris it all felt a bit like a lot pointless pain and effort to go through when in comparison, but deep down I know everything I experienced as a foreigner, despite how steep the learning curve, was worth it. This is the country where I fell in love with a truly wonderful man. It's where our home is. Where I got the best job in the world. And it's I hope to spends many happy decades. Where I wish to build my future. This is now my home.

And Paris will always be there, just a flight away. Waiting to be rediscovered. Again and again.

Thankful Thrusday # 7

Hello, everyone! I know it's a bit late into the day, but are you ready to get thanful? Here we go!

1. My boyfriend. Back to the basics this week. When all is said and done this is one of the biggest blessings I have in my life. I live with an amazing partner without whom my life would be miserable and pitiful in comparison to what I have living by his side.
2. My job. It's been some mad couple of weeks, but I go home knowing it was towards something important and meaningful. Plus I love what I do and the people I work with, which makes my days so much more interesting. For the very first time in my life I am truly happy in the whole work department.
3. Lent. Even though I'm catholic I'm not really that religious. This year, however I decided to do Lent and give up something. Chocolate. I know! Forty days with no chocolate?? For now I'm keeping true to my resolution (even though I spent half my day next to an open box of Cadburys fingers!), not really because of religious purposes, but because I really need to stick to it and a challenge is a great way to get results (if you stick to it).
4. Disposable income. I trully appreciate the fact that I don't need to count pennies through the month. I pamper myself every workday with fresh toast and every now and then I lunch out. And to be able to do it in a carefree manner feels great!
5. Staying afloat and rising to the challenge. This week I had a lot on my plate and had several challenges and new responsibilities to deal with and I'm grateful I managed to stay on top of everything. It's been a steep learning curve, but I'm so proud of myself that it should be put in writing.
6. Porridge. Who knew I could be a cereal person? The fact of the matter is I love my morning porridge breakfast with banana and cinnamon. Yummy and filling for several hours. Perfect!
7. Having time to relax. The next several weekends are filled with good stuff. Friends over, pizza, shopping sprees, a falconry lesson, a trip to somewhere new and hopefully many memorable moments. So I'm taking this weekend to celebrate the fact that we can just sit back and relax. Just us.

Swapping and mixing traditions

Yesterday the Portuguese celebrated Carnival (think Hallowe'en without the scary and ghoulish bits). Here in the UK it was National Pancake Day. As a foreigner I get to choose which to concentrate on (internally at least... I don't think people at the office would appreciate having me in a costume without good reason...). Being a foreigner means that you get to decide what to focus on. It can be where you came from, where you are or both (or none, but what's the fun in that?).

Usually I try to do both if possible (the more partying the better, right?), here, because I never was much of a Carnival kinda person (or maybe I just never had much opportunity to fully enjoy it), it was a no brainer - pancakes trump costumes! Since moving this was the easiest native celebratory day to open my heart to. I mean, what's not to love about a day dedicated to eating pancakes?  Right? Yummy, delicious, savoury or sweet pancakes...

Anyhoot, in my experience celebrating with the natives makes it so much easier to feel integrated. By all means celebrate your native holidays and whatnot, but don't let that become a barrier into your new life. Remember, you chose this (or least so I like to believe). Embrace it. It doesn't mean you'll have to betray your roots or exchange one thing for another. It just means you can have a fuller calendar. And more reasons to celebrate. And that's always a win.

February in review

I know February is the shortest month of the year, but in 2014 the whole thing felt like no more than a week! It just flew by faster than a bullet train. So much so that I'm a bit at a loss for what say about it...

Job-wise it was great! I love, love, love my job and even though lately there's been a mammoth-sized amount of work to be done and I've been running around like a headless chicken, I still love going to work everyday and time just seems to fly faster than I can catch it. It's still quite a new feeling, this thrilling new found love for my profession and I'm just over the moon with it. If I were a morning person I'd jump out of bed every day with a smile on my face... as it is I get up, drag myself around the house, have my beloved first dose of caffeine and will be smiling by the time I leave the house. Not bad indeed!

Besides my busy work life, the rest of my time has been for housework and chilling indoors, preferably in a sitting or fully horizontal position. Or working out. Yes, that has been happening! By the end of the first week of February I began to feel increasingly sluggish, since the vast majority of my day was now spent sitting down in front of a computer. It got to a point where my metabolism had slowed down so much that most days I didn't have dinner because at 7pm I was still full from lunch at 1pm. So I decided to give my body the shock treatment and make it work every single day to perk my metabolism up. Hence I came to Jillian Michael's 30 day body shred. And my does it hurt! And by hurt I mean work. And hurt. I have noticed some minor changes (the minor part due to not doing it every single day like a should, bad meerkat!) and will continue with this for the whole of March.

Then there was my birthday! I love celebrating my birthday! Not so much because of the presents I get, but mostly because I get in touch with so many people that wish me well. Some of whom I don't have much opportunity to catch up with for most of the year. And I love being pampered. And so it was that on the eve of my birthday (because the real thing fell on a saturday) I arrived at work and my desk was filled with goodies - balloons, cake, cupcakes, flowers, a card and a present, the whole nine yards! Oh, and my favourite touch, a youtube video of Happy Birthday being sung in Portuguese. My office is the best! On the day itself me and the boyfriend treated ourselves to a day trip to London. This time for a shopping spree in Portobello market and a taste of Portuguese pastries. I forgot to take the pedometer with me, which was a shame because the overall distance we walked was worthy of note!

The rest is in-between bits. The housework stuff, the commute, the spending quality time with the boyfriend, the saturday strolls around Birmingham, the night reads before turning off the lights, etc, etc. And now onwards to March!

Thankful Thursday # 6

Hello boys and girls. Did you miss Thankful Thursday last week? I really didn't feel like doing it not because I didn't have things to be thankful for, but rather because I just couldn't be bothered. I mean, this is something I do because I like, because it makes me feel better about my life. It shouldn't feel like a chore. So I skipped a week. Ready for this week's batch?

1. Time flying fast. It was only at 5pm today that I realized this was a thursday. Thrusday!! I've been so busy and so concentrated on the things I have going on in my life right now that I can't believe tomorrow isn't just tuesday. Weeks simply have been flying by. And it's great when days don't drag, don't you think.
2. As a result of time flying by, tomorrow's a friday! Weekend ahead! Woop woop!
3. Celebrating my birthday. Not because of the presents, but rather because I love being showered will all the attention, all the phone calls and facebook updates and hearing from people I don't get much of a change to speak to most of the year except on special occasions. And cake! All hail cake!
4. Lack of traffic on half term weeks. Usually it takes me forty five minutes to get to work. This week - all week - I drove happily to my destination in less than twenty.
5. Treating myself to a day trip to London, one of the three cities that hold the key to my heart. I even like the train trip, just perfect for a bit of extra and much craved for reading.
6. Having fun at the workplace. Which I do, every single day! Tomorrow I'm banned from the office until it's actually my time to start working... I suspect there may be birthday cake involved in all this plotting...

Nothing but the rain

It's been raining a lot lately. And by raining I mean we should have started building an ark ages ago because at this rate we will soon all be underwater. A few days ago on one of my walks around town with my flimsy little umbrella I thought of something that hasn't crossed my mind in years. My grandmother had an umbrella, a small but proper one. For years and years it was always the same olive greenish thing of sturdy built that never once got turned over. And I wonder what happened to it, who did I gave it to and why the hell didn't I keep it. At the time of her death I had a lot on my mind to worry about a silly umbrella. But looking back I wish I had. Because I chose to live in a very (very!) wet country and having a constant reminder of her would've been nice.

You see, my grandmother passed away in 2010. One day she was fine and two days later she simply wasn't here anymore. We were never close, not as much as she wished and as much as I needed, and yet that was the status quo. Mine is a complicated family history. Suffice it to say the word "feud" is a poor description. And so it was easier to not get involved. To keep people away.

And now all I have is the regret of all that was left unsaid and undone. Now there is only one living being with whom share the same genetic heritage from that side of my family, and all the stories and recipes and mementos are lost forever. When my maternal uncle died I had two weeks to empty the house they lived in for over fifty years. And I had only my own bedroom to store whatever I chose to keep, so I kept very little. The tea set, a few pictures of people I could identify as family members, one of her scarves and little else. And now I wish I had kept the umbrella. I sure could use it now. The umbrella and a bit of family love. The one we never actually expressed openly.

The celebration train

When you move to a foreign country the first thing you're bound to feel is isolation. You left your country, your home, your family and friends behind. Ahead is a seemingly endless sea of days without any of it. And no matter how promising your new life is, the emptiness caused by all the things that have ceased to be part of your life aches. A lot. And the day when you travel back for no matter how long always feels a million light years away. So what do you do? How do you cope?

Personally I focused on smaller milestones. On holidays and any reason to celebrate. My first week living abroad. Then the first month. Then my boyfriend's birthday. Then Hallowe'en. Bonfire Night. Our anniversary. Christmas. New Years. Valentines. Pancake Day. My Birthday. And soon enough I was celebrating my first year abroad.

Very much like a train that stops in every little village until it reaches the big city, I was always concentrating on the next item on the celebratory list. I avoided thinking "there's still seven months until I see my family again". Instead I looked forward to the next holiday. Just two weeks to go. And then only a month until it's time to celebrate something else again. I was denial when it came to looking at the bigger picture. And it worked.

I know it might sound childish and stupid, but there's no arguing over the results. Living abroad is tough and not for the faint of mind/heart. You're entitled to a few coping mechanisms. Besides, this type of thinking will help you blend in so much faster. And by blend in I mean learn the way of the land and learn to enjoy it just like the natives do. Think about it - what's not to love about a day dedicated to eating pancakes? Or having an extra day after Christmas to just chill out? And you can still celebrate your old holidays, even it is on a smaller scale.

Ponder on this - you're not really trading your native train for a new one, you're just adding more stops along the way! And that's progress!

Thankful Thursday # 5

Wow is it that time of the week already? How time flies when you're busy having fun! Well, here we go then!

1. Pink sunrises. It's like the promise of a sunny day, albeit not always a true one. Still, it's pretty and I like to believe the sun will shine bright every time I see one.
2. My boyfriend's cooking classes. The leftovers I take the next day are always the envy of the office. And so tasty I have to ration it before tasting otherwise I'd eat a double serving of what I should. Yum!
3. Valentines. I know it's still a week away, and you can always argue it's just another concoction society came up with to make us spend money for no good reason. I say any reason to party and celebrate and shower a loved one with gifts are welcomed.
4. Working next to a window. When given the chance to choose I desk I chose one where I could see a bit of sky. I'm Portuguese, I seriously need the light. And it makes all the difference!
5. My new boots. One of the first (and very few) things I splurged my first wages on and so so worth it. And I don't say this lightly, I'm a sissy when it comes to footwear, especially if there are heels involved. So yeah, really good purchase.
6. Being a foreigner. It basically gives you an unlimited supply of small talk. And it gives you loads of funny stories for parties or when there's a dull moment in the office (which I've never experienced yet)
7. Driving in the UK with the same cds I had in my Portuguese car. I'm listening to the Beatles and suddenly the M6 could easily be just another stretch of the A5. Weird how that works, right?

January in review

I can't believe January is a thing of the past. That's 1/12 of the year gone. Puff! Like smoke. In the night so as to disappear undetected and in a shady manner. And I must admit I'm not quite ready for February yet. Are you? Are you keeping to your resolutions for 2014? Because I haven't even quite started most of them! Oh well, so what exactly was January up to?

The big item this year is the new job. So it was that as January was still in its infancy I started a new career that was quick to catch my heart. I've said it on a few occasion and I'll repeat it again - I love my job. And I love everything that comes with it. I love my work, I love my colleages, I love my days, my new routines, my tupperware lunches with leftovers, even my commute is pleasant.

So January was all about the job. And what wasn't about the job was about running the rest of my life whilst having a job. Housework and all that. And to be quite honest I think I did I good job. The job went great, the house was fine, all meals were planned in advance, all ironing done before a new week started, there was never anything to be done last minute. We even had a bit of a weekend away in Oxford with friends and yummy cocktails.

But I expect more of February. It's time to step things up a bit more. It's time to get cracking with my diet and get my sorry behind to the gym on a regular basis. It's time to live a bit more. To do more with my time. And it's high time I get on with it!

Thankful Thrusday # 4

So, boys and girls, it's that magical time of the week. Ready to get thankful? Here we go!

1. Pay day. It's tomorrow! Yes! I'm soooo happy about this! I haven't seen wages enter my bank account since late August, so the situation is a bit dire. Friday cannot come fast enough!
2. Fajitas. Yummy, healthy, deeply satisfying and wrapped neatly in a couple of tortillas. What more could you want from your meal? Except if you're a slob like me and always make a mess of something supposedly simple and tidy. Never embark upon a fajita without napkins, people! Trust me, embarassing food stains in your office clothes are... well... an embarassment.
3. My roots. I've been feeling culturally homesick of late. It happens every once in a while. Yesterday I had a fado cd on a loop while driving to and from work. I didn't actually listen to it much when I lived in Portugal, but there's something about being outside the motherland that makes you cling to it every once in blue moon. And I'm glad I have my Portuguese books and music to keep me company when that happens.
4. Sharing my life with a book reader. Yesterday I almost had to stare at Rui until he put Flowers for Algernon down. He read a third of the book in one sitting and I love him even more for it. By now you know how much I love books, so having someone to share that at the end of each day is quite the treat.
5. Pay day. We've done that already? Well, it's worth mentioning twice, I'm really so excited about it!
6. Being so close to the weekend. This is going to be the weekend when I finally win a Takenoko game, I can feel it! And the weekend I start making sock creatures again and back to the treadmill again! Also, did anyone say sushi? Just two more days to go!

Declaring your ignorance

Ok, so when moving to a foreign country, no matter how familiar you think the culture is, be prepared to declare your ignorance. Kinda like going through customs. Not really, but I'm forcing the idea nonetheless. Go with it.

I spent most of my life in love with the English language and culture. I considered myself to be a fluent speaker, I absorbed the culture (and by that I mean cinema, literature and television) like an eager sponge. I began preparing for my move a year in advance. I stayed at my boyfriend's flat (now our flat) on a number of occasions before moving in. I was ready to fit in like a glove.

And then reality hit me. The truth of the matter is you know nothing. Whatever you imagined your new home to be is an incomplete frame of something much bigger. This is not a nation of Stephen Frys, that's just a part of it. Not every breakfast is supposed to be a grand full English. There are bright sunny days to be enjoyed.

My first barrier was - quite unexpectedly - the language. I was used to the proper BBC accent and then I landed somewhere in the Midlands. I couldn't make out what people said and I was absolutely shocked. So I started hearing other people's conversations on public transport. I know it sounds wrong, but for me it was a crucial step towards overcoming an unseen obstacle. Gradually, over time I started feeling more at ease and my ears picked colloquial English much faster. And when that doesn't work I pretend my allergies are acting up and my hearing is off.

Then there's pop culture. As I moved about in my new home I noticed that when I could make out the words of what people were saying, a lot of the time I had no clue what they were going on about. I didn't recognise a single face on magazine covers. I didn't get references that would send people into fits of raucous laughter.

And a multitude of other assorted aspects of everyday life. Getting used to walking down the stairs on a double decker without looking like an idiot. Finding your way around. Learning about the "new" holidays and new customs (I had no idea what you're supposed to do on Boxing Day or what Pancake day was until the day was nearly over and it was too late to have my pancake), new foods, new routines and pretty much a new way of life. When in Rome, I guess...

So for all of this I soon learned that the best way to go about it is to declare your ignorance. Forget what you thought you knew and trust the natives. Imagine, if you will, that you're a five year-old again and you're learning the world anew. And let go of who you were. This is the time to reinvent yourself. If you really want to make in your new home it then you need to chance. To adapt. To embrace your ignorance and start over. Mind you, it's not an easy frame of mind to maintain long term. It's deeply humbling and it takes a great sense of humility. But if you can do it I promise you'll be so much better for it. You'll feel at home much faster. You'll grow. You'll learn. You'll be one of us. And we have cookies.

Thankful Thursday # 3

It's Thursday, everyone! And you know what that means! Here we go!

1. My job. It's been almost three weeks and I still can't believe I'm being paid to do something I love doing and spend the day with amazing co-workers. I'm really really happy :)
2. My boyfriend. I have the boyfriend that beats them all (not literally) and I'm very grateful he chose me to share his life with. And cook for me. Just saying...
3. Singing Queen's Dont stop me now at the top of my lungs on the drive home. Epic.
4. My new glasses. Sleek, modern and purple. It's like a new chapter of my life announcing its start right on top of my nose. It's the dawn of a new me, and I love it!
5. Weekend getaways and partying with friends. Hello, Oxford! It's been ages since we went out with friends and even though it's not something I particularly love doing on a regular basis (I'm pretty much a house cat), every once in a while it feels great to get out and catch up with friends.
6. Sunny mornings. We've been blessed with quite a few and it's just the perfect way to start your day. All you need is a sunny commute with the radio on and your set for a great and happy day!

Postponed dreams

A while before I moved to the UK I did a short musical theatre course. In the middle of all the great people I met there there was this girl, eighteen or nineteen at the time and with all the certainty of what she wanted from life. She wanted to be a musical theater performer, a real one. Not someone who dabs at it after work but someone who actually makes it their bread and butter. I envied that. I also felt a certain amount of... pity. I say this because I imagined how hard it was going to be even if you're really, really talented. And she was, except in the vocal area. I don't mean anything mean by it, but when she started, when I knew her, I felt her voice was a bit coarse. Of course, her voice was untrained and so her vocal range was limited and a lot of notes felt strained and forced. But I respected and deeply admired her choice of pursuing her passion. In my heart I wished her all the luck in the world. And so our paths parted.

Yesterday I found a video of her in one of the latest productions she was in. And if it didn't have her name on it I would never, ever have believed that was the same voice. She grew vocally from a duckling to a swan, if you pardon the overused cliché. The voice I heard had a tridimentional quality to it, a shine and shimmer. It glittered and it shone like running water in the sunlight. And I was never happier to be proven wrong. It's proof that talent means very little next to hard work and dedication.

And to be perfectly honest, apart from feeling happy for her I felt sad for myself. Sad because I can feel my voice shrinking a bit more with every passing year. It's like any other muscle, if you don't work it it goes back to what it was before you first attempted to conquer a new note. And I left the stage behind me a long time ago.

In my heart and my head I know how stupid this all sounds. I made all the right choices for me and I would make them all the same again. I would've loved to have a career on stage, but I would never be ready for all the hurdles and rejection it entails. And even if I did succeed, I wouldn't want the life that comes with it. I want the suburban dream. I want a family and lots of books and a house and weekends off. I wouldn't change my current life for the world! The perfect better half, the amazing job, the life in a foreign country, our rented flat, all the bookshelves and all the shared dreams for the future.

Besides I'm not even in my thirties yet! I have a life of dreams to chase. And then there's always amateur productions, when the time is right. I firmly believe I'm not done with the stage yet. This is just a very long hiatus. I'll get back to it when the time is right for me. Right?