Thankful Thrusday # 4

So, boys and girls, it's that magical time of the week. Ready to get thankful? Here we go!

1. Pay day. It's tomorrow! Yes! I'm soooo happy about this! I haven't seen wages enter my bank account since late August, so the situation is a bit dire. Friday cannot come fast enough!
2. Fajitas. Yummy, healthy, deeply satisfying and wrapped neatly in a couple of tortillas. What more could you want from your meal? Except if you're a slob like me and always make a mess of something supposedly simple and tidy. Never embark upon a fajita without napkins, people! Trust me, embarassing food stains in your office clothes are... well... an embarassment.
3. My roots. I've been feeling culturally homesick of late. It happens every once in a while. Yesterday I had a fado cd on a loop while driving to and from work. I didn't actually listen to it much when I lived in Portugal, but there's something about being outside the motherland that makes you cling to it every once in blue moon. And I'm glad I have my Portuguese books and music to keep me company when that happens.
4. Sharing my life with a book reader. Yesterday I almost had to stare at Rui until he put Flowers for Algernon down. He read a third of the book in one sitting and I love him even more for it. By now you know how much I love books, so having someone to share that at the end of each day is quite the treat.
5. Pay day. We've done that already? Well, it's worth mentioning twice, I'm really so excited about it!
6. Being so close to the weekend. This is going to be the weekend when I finally win a Takenoko game, I can feel it! And the weekend I start making sock creatures again and back to the treadmill again! Also, did anyone say sushi? Just two more days to go!

Declaring your ignorance

Ok, so when moving to a foreign country, no matter how familiar you think the culture is, be prepared to declare your ignorance. Kinda like going through customs. Not really, but I'm forcing the idea nonetheless. Go with it.

I spent most of my life in love with the English language and culture. I considered myself to be a fluent speaker, I absorbed the culture (and by that I mean cinema, literature and television) like an eager sponge. I began preparing for my move a year in advance. I stayed at my boyfriend's flat (now our flat) on a number of occasions before moving in. I was ready to fit in like a glove.

And then reality hit me. The truth of the matter is you know nothing. Whatever you imagined your new home to be is an incomplete frame of something much bigger. This is not a nation of Stephen Frys, that's just a part of it. Not every breakfast is supposed to be a grand full English. There are bright sunny days to be enjoyed.

My first barrier was - quite unexpectedly - the language. I was used to the proper BBC accent and then I landed somewhere in the Midlands. I couldn't make out what people said and I was absolutely shocked. So I started hearing other people's conversations on public transport. I know it sounds wrong, but for me it was a crucial step towards overcoming an unseen obstacle. Gradually, over time I started feeling more at ease and my ears picked colloquial English much faster. And when that doesn't work I pretend my allergies are acting up and my hearing is off.

Then there's pop culture. As I moved about in my new home I noticed that when I could make out the words of what people were saying, a lot of the time I had no clue what they were going on about. I didn't recognise a single face on magazine covers. I didn't get references that would send people into fits of raucous laughter.

And a multitude of other assorted aspects of everyday life. Getting used to walking down the stairs on a double decker without looking like an idiot. Finding your way around. Learning about the "new" holidays and new customs (I had no idea what you're supposed to do on Boxing Day or what Pancake day was until the day was nearly over and it was too late to have my pancake), new foods, new routines and pretty much a new way of life. When in Rome, I guess...

So for all of this I soon learned that the best way to go about it is to declare your ignorance. Forget what you thought you knew and trust the natives. Imagine, if you will, that you're a five year-old again and you're learning the world anew. And let go of who you were. This is the time to reinvent yourself. If you really want to make in your new home it then you need to chance. To adapt. To embrace your ignorance and start over. Mind you, it's not an easy frame of mind to maintain long term. It's deeply humbling and it takes a great sense of humility. But if you can do it I promise you'll be so much better for it. You'll feel at home much faster. You'll grow. You'll learn. You'll be one of us. And we have cookies.

Thankful Thursday # 3

It's Thursday, everyone! And you know what that means! Here we go!

1. My job. It's been almost three weeks and I still can't believe I'm being paid to do something I love doing and spend the day with amazing co-workers. I'm really really happy :)
2. My boyfriend. I have the boyfriend that beats them all (not literally) and I'm very grateful he chose me to share his life with. And cook for me. Just saying...
3. Singing Queen's Dont stop me now at the top of my lungs on the drive home. Epic.
4. My new glasses. Sleek, modern and purple. It's like a new chapter of my life announcing its start right on top of my nose. It's the dawn of a new me, and I love it!
5. Weekend getaways and partying with friends. Hello, Oxford! It's been ages since we went out with friends and even though it's not something I particularly love doing on a regular basis (I'm pretty much a house cat), every once in a while it feels great to get out and catch up with friends.
6. Sunny mornings. We've been blessed with quite a few and it's just the perfect way to start your day. All you need is a sunny commute with the radio on and your set for a great and happy day!

Postponed dreams

A while before I moved to the UK I did a short musical theatre course. In the middle of all the great people I met there there was this girl, eighteen or nineteen at the time and with all the certainty of what she wanted from life. She wanted to be a musical theater performer, a real one. Not someone who dabs at it after work but someone who actually makes it their bread and butter. I envied that. I also felt a certain amount of... pity. I say this because I imagined how hard it was going to be even if you're really, really talented. And she was, except in the vocal area. I don't mean anything mean by it, but when she started, when I knew her, I felt her voice was a bit coarse. Of course, her voice was untrained and so her vocal range was limited and a lot of notes felt strained and forced. But I respected and deeply admired her choice of pursuing her passion. In my heart I wished her all the luck in the world. And so our paths parted.

Yesterday I found a video of her in one of the latest productions she was in. And if it didn't have her name on it I would never, ever have believed that was the same voice. She grew vocally from a duckling to a swan, if you pardon the overused cliché. The voice I heard had a tridimentional quality to it, a shine and shimmer. It glittered and it shone like running water in the sunlight. And I was never happier to be proven wrong. It's proof that talent means very little next to hard work and dedication.

And to be perfectly honest, apart from feeling happy for her I felt sad for myself. Sad because I can feel my voice shrinking a bit more with every passing year. It's like any other muscle, if you don't work it it goes back to what it was before you first attempted to conquer a new note. And I left the stage behind me a long time ago.

In my heart and my head I know how stupid this all sounds. I made all the right choices for me and I would make them all the same again. I would've loved to have a career on stage, but I would never be ready for all the hurdles and rejection it entails. And even if I did succeed, I wouldn't want the life that comes with it. I want the suburban dream. I want a family and lots of books and a house and weekends off. I wouldn't change my current life for the world! The perfect better half, the amazing job, the life in a foreign country, our rented flat, all the bookshelves and all the shared dreams for the future.

Besides I'm not even in my thirties yet! I have a life of dreams to chase. And then there's always amateur productions, when the time is right. I firmly believe I'm not done with the stage yet. This is just a very long hiatus. I'll get back to it when the time is right for me. Right?

Reinventions of self

Today I went to pick up my new glasses. They're the purple ones that you see over this text. Every time I put them on I feel brand new (and dizzy, but that's just my eyes adjusting to the new prescription) and it kinda ties in well with this time in my life where I can clearly feel I'm starting a brand new chapter of what promises to be a very happy and exciting story. A new job and the promise of a bright future. And it got me thinking.

I guess you can tell my story through my glasses. I've started wearing glasses shortly after starting Uni as a result of so many readings in less than perfect lighting. It's funny, almost everyone I know from my course started Uni without glasses and yet almost everyone was wearing glasses by the time we graduated. English majors, eh?

Anyhoot, my first pair was as understated as you could get. The slimmest of frames, black, and only on top, the bottom was just the lens without a frame. In photos you could almost miss them on my face. I felt good with them. Brainy and true to my love of literature (or at least to the cliché of it). I felt like I now had something that would require people to take me seriously. I wore glasses, ergo I knew my business.

My second pair was acquired while I was still at Uni though by then I had discovered dance and song and acting, so I was ready to be bolder. Hence came my red glasses (see in picture above). I was going through an artistic phase and when I got home with such a statement on my face my dad almost had a fit. You are going to get sick of them fast, the novelty will soon be lost and you'll be stuck with them for ages, he said (and by said I mean shouted). Which thankfully was never the case. I fell in love with my glasses today as much as on the first moment they rested upon my nose. They represent a willingness to be noted, to be looked at, to be adventurous and fun and to take a leap into the unknown. I was ready to venture outside of my shell. As my boyfriend and the salespeople at vision express can tell you, it took a lot of effort to get me to accept something on my face other than my red glasses. I knew a change was needed, but I just didn't feel like myself without them.

And now make way for the purple ones. I confess I was slightly unconvinced at the shop, but as soon as I put them on today on my way to work I could see a different life before me. This is a new me. This is a rebirth, a reinvention. For the first time in my life I feel like a grown-up through and through. No more crappy teenager jobs, no more wearing trainers to work. Now it's all boots and packed leftovers for lunch and being wary of scratching my eyes because ups! I'm now wearing makeup. It's a new life for me. And it seems only fitting that it should show on my face. 

Thankful Thursday # 2

Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since I last wrote something here. Time is just flying by and I haven't really have much opportunity to settle into my new routine yet. Regardless, thrusdays are an absolute must! So lets get thankful!

1. My job. I love going to work. Yes, as time goes by and as I let go of the safety net I find myself with lots and lots to do, but I am madly in love with it, so it's all good and I couldn't be happier!
2. My boyfriend. If there's anything better than going to work it's coming back to this wonderful man. He's been my rock through thick and thin, he's the person that make me laugh, he's the person who makes me dinner (and leftovers for me to take to work for lunch) and the one who finds me cutsy videos to help me unwind after a long day. What's not to love?
3. Having a bed. I can't stress this enough - having a comfy bed and loads of duvets to burrow under and rest after a big day is the greatest and yet most understated thing ever! I love, love, love our bed. I love burying myself under it with just my nose sticking out for air. Thank you, Universe, for the invention of beds!
4. Leftovers. Cooking is great, but not having to cook when you're tired and hard pressed for time is amazing! Leftovers, the second greatest invention (after beds)
5. Funny videos. There's something like watching a husky playing around with a big pile of leaves that just makes everything better.
6. Bigger days. Every day it's a little bit easier (roughly one minute easier) to wake up and start my day. And that's a great thing to be thankful for, don't you think? 

Thankful Thrusday # 1

Let me start by saying that this is not an original idea. I borrowed a friend's idea of Thankful Thrusday and used it for a while on my Bubblews account (long dead, may it rest in peace!). But I've been missing it and so decided to bring it back into my life. A day of the week in which to take time to be thankful. Isn't that just the perfect way to start a new year? So here we go, here are the things I've thankful for today:

1. My job. Not just having one, but landing this particular one. I am absolutely in love with it, every single aspect. For the first time in my life I don't struggle with getting out of bed and starting my day, in fact after I pass the semi-comatose state I always wake up from I am always quite keen to get into the office and start a new day. Having fun doing my job is still a brand new concept and I am over the moon about it!
2. My boyfriend. He is my rock, my partner, the person I choose to live alongside every day. And it's an easy choice. I'm especially grateful this week, when I've had to dedicate myself completely to a new routine and haven't have a lot of free time for my other duties and chores. So yeah, my boyfriend is a star!
3. Slightly longer days. You can notice it a bit more every day. And soon enough it'll be dawning by the time we get up and it'll still be day when we leave our jobs. And it's getting brighter too, the promise of Spring is already in the air.
4. January. Nothing seems to inspire us more than a fresh new year in which to make our plans a reality. We promise, we pledge, we believe that everything will be better, that we can be better. And if we're determined enough this year might be the year!
5. Being able to remove make-up without looking like an orphan panda. I'm dead serious. It's been a decade-long struggle, but I finally managed to do it (sort of). At least I don't look like a panda, which is a massive improvement!

And this is it for this week. What are you thanful for today?

What is this feeling?

Right, before we start let me get one thing straight - I'm a musical geek and proud of such fact. So it stands to reason that every once in a while my post titles are musical-inspired (this one is the title of a song from Wicked). Don't worry, I won't bore you with it. Promise. I'll just chuckle inwardly and move on. Like I'm about to do right now.

So the New Year brought along a new job. Talk about turning a new leaf! Today was my second day and I could not be happier. This is the job the Universe owed me for quite sometime. After a rocky couple of years I'm finally somewhere where I feel I can make a different and where I feel supported and appreciated. So far I love everything about it and for the first time in my life I can't wait for morning to come so I can sit on my desk and start a new day in my new role. If this is what I've been missing then I can only grieve the years I spent without it, because this is the life! This is the feeling we all should have when we get up in the morning (except with me for the first half hour I still have the brain activity of a zombie. A sluggish one!).

I can't wait for a new day. I don't really have much to say other than this. Life is good. And I can't wait for more of it. Even if it's just more of the same thing, I couldn't be more thrilled!

Expanding your geography

As you can imagine, changing countries means you'll have to not only learn the geography of the place you moved to, but also make your own personal geography. Confused? I'll explain.

First of all it means you need to learn your geographical surroundings in the literal sense; you need to discover how far point A is from point B and how to get there. And it takes time, a sense of adventure and you need to be very, very humble about the whole thing - I mean, you just moved somewhere new, give yourself time to adjust and learn to move about. I've been living in the outskirts of Birmingham for over two years and I still surprise myself when I discover new ways to reach my destination from a different start point. For the longest time I walked absurd distances because I had no idea where to make a shortcut, so I went about it in a very roundabout way (and I suspect I sometimes still do), almost going around the city for ages when I could've just gone across it, only I didn't know how. And then once you feel like exploring and don't mind getting lost the almost inevitable - and quite wondrous - thought pops into your head "Oh, so this is where this road leads! That's much more convenient than what I've been doing!". I live for those moments.

Then there's your personal geography. That comes with time and there's no cheating it. Basically it means making the city your own. And before you know it you have places that start to feel yours. The place where you cut your hair. The supermarket where you do your shopping every Sunday. The sushi place that has the best vegetable yakisoba. The coffee shop where you waited for an important interview. Your bank branch. The place where you buy your board games every other week (maybe that's just me...). The sandwich shop where they already know your order (if you're like me and always sticks to the same item on the menu then I'm sure you can relate). You get the point. The city stops being a somewhat abstract place where things happen and slowly becomes your home. The place where your life happens. And that's an amazing feeling. Especially if you're the kind of person that cherishes roots. Feeling home when you're abroad takes a heck of a long time, but it's the best feeling ever. Not only because of the obvious fact that it's home, but more importantly because you made it so. You persevered. Congratulations - you are nothing short of a rock star.

A new leaf

First order of business - welcome, 2014! I hope you bring nothing but positive stuff. There, resume blogging.

If you're reading this (which obviously you are) and if you've been here before you'll notice this space looks different. As a matter of fact I have quite a thing for restarts (personally it's not one of my best features, but there you go!) and so instead of just deleting the blog and starting anew I decided simply to give it a new face. Isn't that what the first days of January are for, anyway? Fresh starts?

 So yeah...! Hopefully this will help keep me inspired and write more. Fingers crossed as I get used to it again things can start to flow more easily (in case you haven't noticed I'm kinda struggling at the moment). If I didn't like the sound of my fingers tapping away at the keyboard so much I probably would've stopped already. Anyhoot, amongst my many resolutions for 2014 I decided to blog more. Find my voice again. Wouldn't that be something?

Here's to a year full of achievements!