Overcoming the small impossible

Let me tell you about my relationship with chocolate. Me and chocolate go way back. Further than what you're probably thinking. More than just loving it and craving it I think there's a sort of emotional connection on a primal level. Eat chocolate - feel better, kinda thinking. I tend to have it every time I feel deeply sad or stress and it always makes me feel less (insert bad feeling here). Emotional disarray always leads to chocolate. Great joys lead to chocolate as well because you feel invencible and it's not the lack of a bit of chocolate that is going to dampen your happiness, so you celebrate with chocolate.

And such were my childhood and teenage years. But the thing is I'm a grown up now and even though I now have the tools to face my own problems and actively live the life I want to have, the chocolate as a drug and a need has never left. And I genuinely thought I could manage, cut a bit here and there, but that it would always be here. I love chocolate. I do. But ours isn't a healthy relationship because this is not something I can be without for very long. Thirteen days was my record. Until now.

Looking at my life right now this is my strongest year by far. I have a job I love, I have wonderful people around me and I go home to the most amazing man I've ever met. I'm healthy, I'm happy and I lead a good life. So if ever there was a time to start this was it. This year, a bit on a whim, I decided on Pancake Day to give up chocolate for Lent. Cold turkey, just like that. And in my head I thought "Yeah, yeah, lets entertain this for as long as possible... which will not be 40 days, not a chance... ever!" Every day I got a bit more surprised that I was still going strong. And now here I am, less than 24 hours from the end of my own challenge with my chocolate intake at a glowing zero.

I never thought I'd last the whole of Lent. Ever. Eeeever!! So to be able to prove to myself that I can, is a complete game changer. The truth of the matter is I undersell myself constantly. It's a by-product of years and years of traumatic experiences that I should by now have overcome. I didn't think I had it in me to do this, which is why I had never attempted this before. This proves how much I can accomplish if I put my mind to it. This small and massive victory will be extrapolated and incorporated into other areas of my life. If I think I can, then I'm already halfway there.

I feel proud and well chuffed. I did it. By George, I really did it (break into song, everyone!) I overcame my limitations because I dared to. I will continue to eat chocolate, not nearly as much as before, but a bit every now and then. But the humdinger is I will never become its bitch again. No more clutches and dependencies for me. This was a much needed breakup of an unhealthy relationship and there'll be no going back!

Downfall

A few weeks ago I heard one of the most famous Portuguese pop singers is working in a McDonalds. A few days ago I found in a gossip magazine that one of Portugal's best known actors is working in a clothes shop. Times are hard. Harder than they've ever been. I don't mean to say any of these jobs are in any way demeaning, not at all. There's no shame in honest hard work (I've worked in sandwich shops for two years myself), but the example goes to show how tough things are back home.

Meanwhile the term "brain drain" has earned daily usage as more and more young and highly educated people desert the country in hopes of a better future elsewhere. Or even just a future. It's sad when you realize that the friends you left behind - people that work as University professors or have office jobs in high profile companies - are bringing home less money than you cleaning tables in a foreign country (for which I'm deeply grateful on my end of things).

I abandoned ship before it started to sink and for different reasons, chiefly among them because I wanted to share my life with the most wonderful person I've ever met, and that meant moving a thousand miles from home. Whatever my reasons were I'm glad I did it. I love my life here. Living in the Midlands I know that if all goes well and if I work hard enough I can look forward to many happy milestones - marriage, our own house, kids, the whole suburban dream. Maybe even have a bit left over for a few treats - holidays, days out, etc. And I'm not sure I'd have any of this if I had stayed back home.

It's deeply saddening to see your homeland fare so badly and people living worse and worse. But in the long run you only have one life to live and I'm happy with the choices I've made so far. And who knows? Maybe things will pick up back home. They could hardly do otherwise. Fingers crossed.

Thankful Thursday # 8

It's been a while since we've done this, boys and girls, and I feel I've become a bit rusty. Never fear, it's time for another go! Here's this today's blessings:

1. My job. For the last few weeks I've seen people I love being drained of all their energy because conditions at the workplace are unsustainable on so many levels. So I'm really, really grateful that my job is very much a happy place for me.
2. Vegetarian days. For the second time in a month I've had a bit of a vegetarian phase without actually realising it until I was well into it. This makes me feel extraordinarily happy. Who knew the person that could barely tolerate a few leaves of lettuce on her plate and that had to make an effort to eat a piece of fruit a week could spend almost a full week on fruit and veg and giving up chocolate? Which brings me to the next item...
3. My Lent challenge. I'm not a religious person (even though I was raised catholic) but I'm a sucker for challenges (sometimes it's even the only way to get me to do things I'm not particularly excited about). And I'm well proud to say that 30 days into it and I have not broken my promise yet. Hurrah, this would call for a treat, except that would sort of defeat the purpose... Damn it!
4. The personal pampering time I had for myself last night. I've been feeling really, really tired and drained of energy (that's lack of proper sleep and a few busy weekends for you) and yesterday I decided to make the most of my time alone in the house. I did my workout, tidied up and then went to bed at 7:35. And for about 90 minutes I read my book, drank my tea, listened to French music on my laptop and did some stitching, all of it done in the comfort of our bed. It was utter bliss and I'm feeling so much more energised now!
5. Daffodils. Tis the season to see the roads all peppered with white and yellow and it's absolutely lovely. It's the coming of Spring (although someone bring the good tidings upstairs, because I don't think anyone from the sky department has heard of it yet, what with all the cloudy weather we've been having) and everything looks so much prettier and brighter. All we need now is a bit of sunshine and more warmth.

And here we are! Same time next week?

March in review

March is difficult month to look back on precisely because, much like January and February it went by in a flash. I know I keep repeating myself, but seriously, where's the time flying to and why is it in such a hurry to be gone?

So I'll list simply some of the details that I can remember off the top of my head of yet another month that went past in a blur faster than a bullet train.

March was my third month at the new job and I can say I'm still immensely happy in that department (which would help account to the speed at which time seems to fly nowadays). March was when we went to our first Comic Con and had such a great time we're already planning the next one in a few months. It is the month when the Portuguese celebrate Father's Day, to which I played my part in advance and sent a parcel full of goodies back home. It was a fairly busy social month. In March I had the very first fully vegetarian week of my life, all without even trying (in fact I only realized the absence of meat in my diet by day 5). No, I didn't turn to the green side, I'm very much a meat eater, but it's great to see how much healthier my relationship with fruit and veg is.

By far the greatest achievement in the whole month was a half hearted challenge I posed myself - to do Lent properly and give up chocolate for 40 days. I never - ever! - expected to go all the way, it was just nice and healthy to give it a go and see how far I could make it. The most I've ever spend without my drug of choice was 13 days a few years ago. Now I'm well chuffed to announce that 28 days into it and still no chocolate has touched my lips (they've come very close... I've sniffed a lot of chocolate, but I've managed to resist temptation so far).

On a very close second is my exercise program. I managed to exercise 24 out of 31 days. Not a brilliant score, but really not bad. I don't see a thing on the scale, but I can see a massive difference in the mirror, and that's really where it counts, right?

And so it is with a smile that we turn to April, a month with a lot in store. So, that being said, it's time to log off and get started!