Promises of Spring

Spring began again last week. The season of rebirth, of reinvention, of cleaning and decluttering is here again. Days get longer, temperatures get milder, spirits get higher. We shed the extra layers of Winter and ready ourselves to start anew.

So what follows is part wishlist, part to-do list, part putting things on papers so I am now accountable for making them happen.

1. Park lunches. At least once a week (weather permitting) I would like to spend my lunch hour reading and chilling in the park, alone or with a workmate. I always come back to my desk feeling refreshed, so this is something to invest in at every opportunity.
2. Outside runs. I prefer a treadmill to simply running outside. There's no stop and go, no traffic and other people to consider, no unexpected ups and downs, plus it's way easier to keep track of how you're performing. But outside there is the arboretum. And in the arboretum there is pretty greenery and swings. And those early weekend mornings when I get to the park and the swings are empty are a real treat. Adulthood is way easier when you allow yourself to go back to childhood joys every now and then.
3. Garden revamp. This year I want to really put some effort into making our garden a nice place be in. I look forward to scrubbing tiles, re-potting plants, clear weeds, maybe invest in a deck chair or two.
4. New recipes. Years ago I bought a Slimming World book with recipes for Spring and Summer and I never opened it. This is the year to explore with some new and healthy recipes.
5. Decluttering. Arguably this is more of a Summer project for me, since that's when I have the house to myself and can leave a project halfway done by bedtime without it impacting on anyone else. Anyway, I'm already dreaming of the day(s) when I get to dump all my clothes on the bed and clean the closet.
6. New coat. This year I want to invest in quality items, as opposed to getting something that's nice and economical. So I am excited about getting myself a nice mid-season trench-coat, something flattering and versatile with a bit of colour. The question is do I want one in bright yellow, mustard yellow, emerald green, ruby red? Decisions, decisions.
7. Longer hussle days. In Winter I feel I accomplish very little outside of work because there is so little time. I get home and I have a two hour slot to get stuff done and to chill and unwind before it's bedtime again. In Spring and Summer, as the days get longer, my body tricks me into doing more (which also means I tend to sleep a bit less), as there is more light so it takes me longer to flop onto the sofa/bed.
8. Iced coffee. I LOVE iced coffee. Hot coffee after lunch makes me feel cosy and sleepy, iced coffee makes me feel energised and ready to go. It also feels like a treat with very few calories (thinking Americanos, not frappuccinos!)
9. Drying clothes outside. I can't explain how much this fills me with joy, but it does. Very few things scream household bliss than seeing laundry drying outside. Even the smell is better and cleaner!

On travel, quirks and kindness

Earlier this month I traveled to Lisbon, as I do every year around this time. It's a long trip; an hour bus ride to Birmingham, a coach from Birmingham to a London airport, and then a two and a half hour plane trip. I started my trip around 7 am and arrived at my dad's at 6 pm.

I do this every year, so I have fine tuned my trip. I know which of my backpacks is the best for the journey. I download films and music for the trip and I bring a charger because I know my battery never lasts the whole trip without a top up. I bring my book and a notebook (you never know when inspiration will strike). I know the best route from the bus to the coach station. I get to the coach and I google the restaurants at the airport and look at the menus so I know in advance what I'll fancy for lunch. I fasten my coat with my seat belt, so I have a makeshift blanket on my knees for the whole trip. When I get to the airport I follow the same strict order of affairs; first I do the check in and get rid of my luggage, then go past security, then find a shop where I can buy a bottle of water, then go to the bathroom, then eat. After eating I try to stay seated as little as possible, so I window shop. Once I land, I go past security first, then bathroom break, then luggage collection.

All of these things have a specific sequence and a logic to it. If you go to the bathroom right after landing you risk getting stuck in a longer queue for your passport check, as your flight mates will catch up with you. If you do it after luggage collection you then have to share your stall with a massive suitcase. Logic and experience have taught me how to fine tune my travel with choreographic precision.

Why am I rambling about this? Because this is my routine. It works for me. And same as I have fine tuned my travel days, I bet you my boyfriend (who also does this every year) will have his own sequence that he has perfected over his years living abroad. And it's so easy to forget that our way is not the only way. That the other person's sequence will have equal merit, even if it follows a different logic. How many times do we get frustrated because other people don't see things like we do. Because they want to do things their way (the pesky bastards!). Because they keep getting in the way of something that you perfected with their ludicrous ideas or lack of sight. I mean, who forgets to carry change to use the bathroom? ;)

And what about the rest of our lives? Night owls living with early risers, coach potatoes cohabiting with gym bunnies, spur of the moment people sharing a life with lifelong planners. Even the simple things, like don't trust me to remember anything you say before I've had coffee, or I don't like to have the loo roll facing the wall. We are all a collection of quirks and preferences. We all need to make concessions. Sharing your life with other people (family, partners, friends, coworkers) means you accept putting up with their quirks because you know they are doing the same thing for you. No matter how much you try to be your best self, sometimes your quirks will get the best of you and you will forget to put the cheese grater back where your partner can find it in the morning. That's called being human.

I love my travel plans. I perfected them lovingly over many many trips back to Portugal. But I know my plans are not the only ones that work. And when I'm not travelling solo, it's great to learn to share and to remember that my partner will have his own travel arrangements he would rather follow. So we compromise. And more often than not, that makes our travel experience so much richer. So be kind, always. Even if it's in something as trivial and a trip. Be kind, always.

Thankful Thursday # 36

It's time to flex my fingers with our staple post:

1. Spring. This deserves it's own post, but I am definitely super excited about the new season.
2. My boyfriend. The funniest, kindest, most intelligent person I've ever met, and I get to fall asleep by his side every day. Winner!
3. Sunny meditations. I have a spot in the office where I like to meditate, and today the sun was hitting it for the first time this year, giving me a nice boost of vitamin D to start my day.
4. Today's food. There isn't a single meal I'm not excited about today. All of them healthy-ish, all of them super tasty.
5. Smaller tops. I am wearing a top a size smaller than my normal size. I am super excited and proud of myself for this.
6. Lunch dates. I am meeting a friend for lunch for the second time this week. I am a big fan of having quiet lunches, but sometimes I love to break my routine and catch up with friends.
7. Spotify. I love, love, love my Spotify. I don't think how I could ever cope with a work day without music and podcasts.
8. My new pin. For my birthday I gifted myself a pin that says "Prose before bros" and I wear it proudly on my coat. I just love how many compliments I get for it.
9. Clothes drying outside. I can't explain why, but there is little that can compare to sitting at my desk at home looking at clothes drying in the clothes line below.
10. Natter. I am an introvert, which in my case means I struggle to make casual conversation with strangers and shop clerks. That is starting to change and I feel happy and confident in this. It's something that definitely deserves an acknowledgment. 

Thankful Thursday # 35

Trying to get back into the swing of things by returning to a staple post:

1. My boyfriend. My pack and my family of choice.
2. Working indoors. Today it's windy and extremely wet outside, so I am very glad to work in a closed, warm office.
3. New dresses. I have a couple of new dresses I bought this year, but had yet to put them on because I felt self-conscious about how looked. Having recently lost a bit of weight, they add a treat-like quality to my efforts.
4. Disposable income. I don't earn loads of money, but I am blessed with a paycheck that allows me the occasional splurge without the fear my account won't take it.
5. Listening to music while you work. I don't think I would cope well if I had to work in absolute silence. I was definitely made for sound.
6. Tea. My fall back drink when I'm trying to cut back on sugar.
7. Rain. I am dying to go outside and buy more food, because I'm still settling back into my normal diet and trying really hard not to graze. The fact that it's raining cats and dogs definitely trumps the whims of my stomach.
8. Spotting ladybirds. It's a rare occurrence, but one that always fills me with child-like happiness. Ladybird is my pet name, so every time I see one, I innocently feel the Universe is winking at me.
9. Books. I have so, so many books, which is something that makes me very happy.
10. Fancy enamel pins. Shortly before I went on holiday I bought a pin that says Prose before Bros (I know!). It was waiting for me as I returned from holiday and it was a nice treat to help keep the holiday blues away.

Thankful Thursday # 33

Without any ados, here are is my reasons to be grateful this week:

1. My boyfriend. I share my life with a wonderful human and that's always worth mentioning.
2. Working from home. I've been feeling under the weather, so it's great to have the option of stay indoors in comfy wear.
3. Food delivery. Again, it's great that I can just order food in and not have to face the elements outside. Or have to cook when I can barely hold it together.
4. Sunny days. It's so much easier to be cooped up at home when it's sunny.
5. Having a spare bedroom. So you don't disturb your partner when you're coughing your lungs to shreds at 1am.
6. Having a sense of smell. My nose is going but I can still smell. That means that even though I feel like reheated death, the fact that my living space smells like a spa makes me feel less crappy.
7. Calm. It's easily one of my favourite apps. Especially when I am struggling to fall asleep.

Reminders on self-parenting

Early adulthood is all about finding your feet and your space. It's about learning what you can do without many constraints. It's discovering that you can have cereal for dinner without there being a parent to tell you off. You can stay up way past your bedtime with no repercussions beyond your lack of sleep the following day. Leave your room in a mess and spend all your disposable income on books instead of putting something aside in your savings. Without those pesky parents the sky is the limit.

And as your grow (not much) older, as you settle into adulthood in your own terms you realize that you still need some degree of parenting, except now it's on you to parent yourself. You need to figure out what boundaries and rules to put in place, and you need to know why you've put them there.

It has been a very hard earned lesson that sometimes there is a huge difference between what I want and what I need. And furthermore that it's on me to ensure I cater to the former before I indulge in the latter. What I want is to binge watch a show on Netflix, but what I need is to first take the time to ensure I am okay. That I am centered and that there is nothing more pressing to do before opening that promising tab on my laptop. It's on me to stop myself in between episodes and ask myself if there is anything else more productive I should be doing with my time before I hit play again. It's on me to know I probably won't stop the binge by myself and therefore I need to set a timer on my phone so I don't waste an afternoon way. I need to know this. I am my own parent now.

This isn't some inspirational post, it's just a reminder to myself. I think we all need one from time to time.

Finding your inner gym bunny

A friend of mine recently said she wished she was more like me and came to the gym regularly. She said her problem was that she didn't enjoy working out. But here is the truth of it: I don't either. I have been coming to the gym several times a week, every week for three years and I have yet to wake up once excited about the prospect of working out. It just doesn't happen. Ever.

Here is what I have learned in the last few years:

1. Motivation is a very fickle mistress. It comes and goes ever so swiftly. Most of the time all you have is yourself, your pigheadedness, your self-parenting (making you do the things you don't want to do), and the tools you develop along the way to make it all work for you. Don't get me wrong, having motivation is great! It's how you jump-start yourself into action. The thing is, once you're moving it will quickly leave you and you need to be prepared to step in once it does.

2. If you want to have the time, you have to make the time. For me this means getting up at stupid a.m. and doing my workout before work. I used to go to the gym after work, but more often than not I would skip it because something would get it in the way. I was too tired. I had to go to the post office before it closed. I was stuck in a meeting until late. I didn't feel like it. I was meeting a friend after work. The excuses were endless. So I do it before my life has a chance to get in the way and ruin it. No one emails me at stupid a.m. Everything is closed. The world is still asleep. Except for me.

3. Find ways to get in the way of your own failure. To me this means not showering the night before. I have lost track of how many times I got to the gym just because I needed to wash my hair and I ended up doing a short workout that invariably always turned into a normal workout. The same about my alarm; Yesterday Me is a bit of an over-achiever and she's the one who sets my alarm to stupid a.m. Every morning when the alarm goes off I curse her with the eloquence of a sailor on leave. I don't want to be awake that early, but since my sleep has already been disturbed, I need to do something with it. I am angry and I can't let it go to waste.

4. Parenting yourself is very much like parenting a real child. This means you'll need to find clever ways to trick yourself into doing what must be done. I frequently tell myself I just need to spend ten minutes on the treadmill, knowing full well that the moment I get started I'll find the joy and momentum to do the full thing. It also means that I have to listen to myself when the ploy doesn't work (otherwise it stops working altogether). So sometimes I do play rookie, and when I do I damn well make the most of it.

5. There's lots of good advice out there, but ultimately you need to find what works for you. One of the tips that keeps popping up is to sleep in your gym wear, so that when you wake up you are ready go. While I can see the logic behind this, this very much does not work for me. Sleep is sleep, not pre-anything. It's a time of rest that has been rightfully earned and it should be treated with the gravitas it deserves. Especially because I'm such a light sleeper, sleeping in active wear just wouldn't give me the restful sleep that I worked hard for. So find what works for you, be it waking up at stupid a.m or telling yourself it's just five minutes on the treadmill.

6. If you want to stick at it, you have to set your own metrics and celebrate your successes. How do you measure success? Is it the number on the scale coming down? Is it on your measurements? Is it on increased endurance? Maybe it's how much weight you can lift, or how big your reps are. Whatever it is, find your metric to success and be sure to celebrate even the smaller milestones on your way to your goal. I would love to measure my success on weight loss, but unfortunately my body holds on to fat like a clingy child pulling the mother of all tantrums, so weight loss happens at the end of everything else after weeks (months!) of hard work. This has taught me to be persistent with my goals and flexible on how I frame my progress. My goal is still a number on a scale, but since that is something I don't have complete control over, I make sure all my milestones are things that I can control and that I can see visible progress. I have a running log, so I can see progression on my cardio. I have a weightlifting goal, so I can work towards it. Celebrating the smaller successes help me keep motivated until the day when the scales finally start to shift. Because I won't quit until they do.

Finally, know this: in three-plus years since first being labelled a gym bunny, there still hasn't been a workout that I've regretted doing. You just have to break the first barrier and follow through.

Thankful Thursday # 32

So I have been feeling a little bit out of sorts lately. Grumpy and short-tempered. At first I thought it was just the cough that's been keeping me awake at night for the last week. Now I think it's also the lack of this. Of gratitude. So here is my fix:

1. My boyfriend. I have the most loving man by my side, and these past few days I have felt especially loved and cared for as I nurse myself back to health.
2. Working from home. I have a job where I am lucky enough to be able to work from home whenever I need. This means that on those days when I am feeling slightly under the weather but not enough to justify calling in sick, I can just sleep through my commute time and just work from the comfort of my home. In comfy wear. With scented candles on and an endless supply of tea.
3. Christmas-time. I love, love, love Christmas. And with all the madness this year has brought, I am looking forward to a few days to chill.
4. Our guest bedroom. Having a spare bedroom means I can sleep alone when the coughing gets too much. It's bad enough this keeps me awake at night; I'd feel terrible if it meant disrupting my boyfriend's sleep too.
5. Knitting in Winter. I am blessed with the disposable income and the free time to knit. I don't do it too often (hence why I will always be mediocre at it), but when I do, I thoroughly enjoy it. At this time of year, nothing beats a cheesy Christmas film with a scented candle on and some knitting to keep me going.
6. Youtube. I have no memory for crafts. Zero. I have lost track how many time I have asked my boyfriend's mom to teach me how to cast off. So I thank the good knitters on Youtube who went to trouble of uploading tutorial videos that save me the embarrassment of having to ask the same questions again and again.

The pits of overplanning

All my life I needed a plan D. Because having just a plan B was for the unprepared, so I needed to go to at least that fourth level of preparation. And while it made me excellent when the time was right (which it almost never is), it changed the person I was for the worse. So much worse. Here is what it has taught me.

Overplanning dials up your panic mode. You need to plan when it's important that things go right. When it could be potentially catastrophic if your plans fall apart. So if you overplan for everything, then your brain will start to think that any small thing going wrong could have catastrophic consequences. Because surely if you are spending the time and energy putting together a plan D for if you can't find that book in the first bookstore, then it must be important. If you need a plan for what to do if it rains and your coat isn't waterproof and your umbrella breaks, and there are no shops or cafes to go inside and wait for it to pass, then that must clearly mean that water on your skin will make you melt like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz. Overplanning makes everything massively important and it dials up your panic mode until you feel that living with the constant anxiety is normal. Like you are an oversight away from the end of the world.

Overplanning means underliving. If you are busy shutting the world away, constantly honing your battle plans, you will plan your life away. That is what happened to me. As a teenager I was always thinking about what was the next cleverest thing I could say in a group conversation, and by the time I had the ultimate comeback, the conversation had moved on. And worse; this would continue indefinitely and I even when I did say something, I would carry on overthinking how I could have said something smarter, funnier, more interesting. The perfect comeback would come to me hours (days!) later when it was pointless. It left me with constant anxiety and feeling I was less capable than everyone else. Also I was never living in the present; I wasn't listening to the conversation, rather I was trapped inside my head running loops like a frantic hamster in a wheel after it's been given way too much caffeine.

Overplanning kills adaptability. Struggle is the mother of evolution. It's a basic principle; unless challenged and threatened, living things have no need to change. Why bother? It would be a useless energy expenditure to improve something that already works. So we need plans to go awry to change and adapt. The ability to adapt, to improvise when things go wrong is something that requires practice. It's like sharpening a blade; you stop doing it and it will go dull. So if your plans are so comprehensive that everything always goes according to plan you don't need to improvise. You just follow your own script. But sooner or later you will need to deal with something that you failed to anticipate that day you will need how unprepared overplanning has made you.

Overplanning narrows your comfort zone. Isn't it great when everything goes according to plan? Or when you dazzle everyone (yourself included) by being prepared for something that does go wrong? Like you were expecting it all along and Fate just couldn't outsmart you even with a sudden turn of events? Yes, it does. It makes you feel awesome. But at what cost? The more things go the way you plan then, the lesser your ability to react when they don't. Also, the more you cushion your life, the harder it is to endure the slightest discomfort. If you are caught in the rain, is it really that bad? Which brings me to...

Overplanning gives you tunnel vision. It robs you of the ability to ask yourself So what? and see things for what they are. Yes, you forgot to bring a coat and your commute home is colder than you expected, so what? It's just a temporary discomfort; the moment you get home you will get warm again and all will be well with the world. In fact, whenever this happens to me I have learnt to focus on how much more I will appreciate the warmth in the short future because I am cold now. It also give you perspective. Many a time I have had to tell myself If you can stomach a cold shower (because the gym ran out of hot water), you can *insert whatever distasteful activity I don't want to do*. Now if I hand't had that cold shower I couldn't say this, could I?

Overplanning destroys your self-esteem. The more I planned for the unexpected, the more I felt unable to deal with life. Overplanning made everything bigger and scarier while making me feel more and more dependant on my plans. Like I wasn't strong enough to survive without them. After all there is no valour in following a script. It is when things go wrong and you have to make it on your own, to find solutions on the spot, that you see your true worth. It was only when I opened myself to the unexpected that I started to see that even when things did go wrong, that I was strong and able enough to deal with them. That they weren't so bad after all. And that build confidence.

Overplanning kills spontaneity. If you stick to what you know, you will never learn anything new and worst of all, you will never be surprised. Your vision will never broaden and you will lose your sense of marvel and wonder. And who knows what awaits if you take the road less travelled? A couple of years ago, the boyfriend and I were driving to Lizard Point in Cornwall. As we approached our destination we spotted a handmade sign just off the side of the road saying Cider Barn. This was not in our plans, which we tend to follow like gospel, but we made a promise to spend ten minutes less in Lizard Point to check this out on our way back. In the end Cider Barn allowed us to taste and buy incredible local ciders and lovely glassware that we now use for candles whenever we run a bath. It was a gem of a find that we never would have explored if we just stuck to the plan.

I don't mean to say to live your life winging it. To never prepare. No, by all means lay your plans down. Plan for A and B. If it's really important, go for C. Just don't run through the alphabet. Learn from me and open yourself to some degree of uncertainty. Trust me, there you will find treasures you don't know you seek. Inside and out.

Multipotentialite

Today I learned that I am a multipotentialite. If - like me until an hour ago - you have no idea what this means, I would highly recommend watching Emilie Wapnick's TED Talk on it (here). Suddenly my mind makes so much more sense! Turns out I am not a lone weirdo, there's more of us and we are so awesome!

My whole life I was criticised for my inability to follow through on my hobbies, for being too obsessed with my interests, only to flutter to a new one like a butterfly going from flower to flower. I have always devoted myself to things wholeheartedly, but nothing was forever, and everything was always all or nothing. A quick walk around my house and you'll find the yoga gear I stopped using a few months after I got started, books I bought a decade ago and haven't gotten around to reading and countless crafts projects abandoned halfway. I fully intend to return to all these things, my attention simply got pulled elsewhere. And there's no middle ground with me.

I was told I was fickle, that I didn't truly love anything, because if I did surely I would stick with them. I was shown time and again that to succeed and be happy you needed to devote yourself to your choices, and that constantly changing your mind was irresponsible and immature. You can't build a career this way, you can't pay a mortgage and that you couldn't have this sort of behaviour if you wanted to raise a family. That if you are constantly starting over you will never excel at anything and you will always be average (like that is an insult).

For most of my life people have tried to change my ways, as if it was a matter of choice. As if by trying really hard I could be normal and I could stick to only a handful of interests. Or they tried to have me be less into *insert current obsession*. Because apparently normal people don't wake up one day with a desire to read about the Vietnam war or spend a month memorising the first two acts of La Traviata. And by Jove, I needed to stop talking about Alexander Hamilton!

No one ever asked me about how life is through my brain. Why I am the way I am. (Not sure that last sentence has an answer, but at the very least no one asked me the thinking behind my behaviour.) Here is a few secrets: normalcy is boring. Life is too short to only be one thing. The more you stick to the same things, the smaller your comfort zone becomes and the less you are able to adapt to new challenges. Normative doesn't breed out-of-the-box thinkers. In fact, normalcy kills innovation. You need us to take you to new places. And we need you to be our north star so that we don't stray too far (at least I do). Because left to my own devices I would gladly trade sleep for one more episode or chapter, only to suffer the brutal consequences the next day (because my body is not eighteen anymore).

In true fashion, I am now obsessed about exploring what it means to be a multipotentialite (how meta is that?), so I will probably carry on writing about the challenges and rewards, as well as my ground rules for not let it take over my life completely. Or not. Maybe I'll become obsessed with something else before I ever get to write those posts. Because that's who I am, and it's plain awesome.