Meerkats just wanna have fun

So R.'s been gone for five days and although I miss him to bits I'm marvelling at all the wonderful things I get to do while he's gone, so much so that I've decided to compile a list of fun stuff to do (I realise this is for my own enjoyment only, so feel free to scroll down for more interesting stuff).

1. Knit in the big sofa. It's a two-seat, so when he's around I never knit on the sofa because I keep poking him with the needles and believe it or not he doesn't like that.
2. Watch whatever movies I feel like it whenever I want. We have a lot in common when it comes to cinematic taste, but still it's nice to know I do whatever I please and go crazy without feeling guilty for putting him through a two hour musical with no plot.
3. Sleep on the whole bed when it's hot. When I fall asleep I get really hot really fast, especially in the Summer. However, because I have the bed all to myself I simply roll over to his side whenever I get uncomfortably hot until it cools and I can roll back to my side.
4. Detoxing. Because I'm by myself and I'm too lazy to cook proper meals for one everyday I've taken the opportunity to do an impromptu detox. For the past few days I've been living on natural juices, fruit, soup, water, coffee, one daily portion of grilled meat and roasted veg. I haven't lost any weight (yet!) but I feel like my body has been decluttered, that it has more energy and it's much much happier.
5. Having a reading fest. You know when you just want to read for hours? Well for the past and next few days I can go crazy! Put some French music on, grab a book and curl up for however long until my reading thirst has been sated. 
6. Impromptu plans. I'm completely living in the moment, simply because I don't have anyone but me to deal with or worry about and it feels great to have a few selfish days! And if I feel the urge to go shopping at 3am (which hasn't happened yet), I know I can.
7. Soliloquys around the house. It sounds ridiculous but I'm taking great pleasure from knowing that if I want I can just start doing the St Crispin's Day speech completely out of the blue and for no good reason. Or that I can spontaneously burst into song or do silly dances and no one will worry I might have lost the plot.
8. Having a cleaning frenzy. You know when you just want to clear everything out of a room, clean it, sort it and then put everything back in? When I clean I prefer to have an early start and work my way into nightfall or until the task is finished. I'm a do it in one go kind of person, whereas R. is more of a lets compartmentalise the effort and spread it over a longer period of time kind of person. But not today! Today is the day when I get through every little thing we have in the closet and sort some of the paperwork we've been piling up for ages. Rock on!
9. Have Friends on all the time. We all like to have something going on the background to keep us company. R. likes QI and Mythbusters, which is grand, I have Friends. And the beauty of it is that is almost always on, you just need to find the right channel. And it keeps me company as I go about my business in the house.
10. Rediscovering what a fun person I am. No R. and no job means that I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever I want. Of course I still have basic stuff I need to go through (job hunting, job interviews, exercising (meh!), keeping the house clean and tidy-ish) but outside of that it's all about me. And that's great because I'm awesome!

Thankful Thursday # 12

It's been a while since the last time I did one of these. I must confess that things haven't been particularly easy for me for the past few weeks what with being unemployed for a bit over two months. I miss my old job and I hate jobhunting - I do it really well and am super organised and on top of things, but nevertheless I hate doing it. So I haven't really been in the mood to make a list of happy things. Today is the day I challenge that, at least for a bit, so shall we?

1. My boyfriend. Just having someone by my side is great because it helps so much to keep me grounded to reality, but to have this particular blend of awesomeness in my life is absolutely amazing. After so many job applications and interviews if it weren't for him I don't think I'd cope with what my life is so well. It's not just the support and the personalised emotional cheerleading; it's the strength and focus I find just by being next to him.
2. True Summer in the Midlands. Nice weather goes a long way to helping you keep your spirits up so I've been delighted with this past week - sunny, bright and hot, just like I like it!
3. Healthy food. I'm trying to make a change and give up sweets for a while and whilst that feels like a herculean task it's made considerably easier by thinking of all the fruit and fresh produce I get to have on my meals. I've done one serious day of intense fruit and veg intake and already my body feels more vibrant, like it's humming with energy, so onwards with it!
4. Having time for projects. Remember when you keep postponing tasks like reorganizing your pantry or decluttering your closet because you simply don't have the time? Well, I am channelling my extra time and energy on an enormous list of projects. To make matters more interesting, a few weeks ago R. found an app where you can create your virtual house (imagine Sims, but with the correct measurements of your actual home), so I'm having fun moving my virtual furniture around before starting to shuffle the real physical stuff.
5. Being on my own. This year sadly my and R. had to have our holidays separately which means that for the past five days I've had the house all to myself. Instead of dwelling on how much I miss him I am focusing on how much fun I can have solo. This means that when my side of the bed gets too hot in the middle of the night I can simply roll over to the other side. Or that I can knit in the big sofa without having to worry about hitting R. with the needles. Or that I can spend all my free time watching an entire season of Friends in one go. It's a world of choice!
6. Getting up early. I'm one of those people that when they don't have an alarm clock set they end up going to bed increasingly later and getting up almost at lunchtime. And whilst there's nothing wrong with that it's not something I particularly enjoy because it makes me feel that I've lost half the day by the time I wake up. However this time I'm proud to say I have been a very good girl, going to bed no later than midnight and getting up around 7am. I'd get myself a treat if I weren't a) on a diet and b) saving money due to lack of income, so never mind that!

No Garfield Mondays

Let me start by saying that I have always been a Garfield fan. I just love that cat and all other character that come with him (except Nermal, that cat's an idiot show-off!).

However, despite my love of the daily comic strip, I think ultimately Garfield's bad for someone who's trying to start a new week on the right foot. It's just bad juju to start your Monday saying you hate it. Plus it tastes of defeat and personal sabotage, doesn't it?

Yes, it's amusing to make fun of things like hating going to work, laziness, binge-eating and dog-kicking, but I'm afraid that on some (very real) level laughing at it just makes all those flaws more acceptable when really it shouldn't. I believe a bit of humour towards your shortcomings is important for a sane mind and healthy personal relationship with oneself, but that should never serve as an excuse or delay to change and improvement.

And how can you expect to have a wonderful week when the first thing you do is groan at its first day? To dismiss it outright as bad and horrible because it means you have to go to work instead of lazying about all day. What about all the other great things about it like your first cup of coffee or listening to your favourite music on the way to work? What if we started the week being grateful and happy for the small things that make every day (even Mondays) great? And what if we could even muster a bit of hope towards of all the great things that may be? Wouldn't that be something?

Maybe - just maybe - this is just me being extra sensitive due to the fact that I've been out of a job for almost two months and feel an ever increasing need to surround myself with positive thoughts and thus at this point in my life I can't exactly see Garfield as a friend. Not on Mondays at least. Because I need good weeks ahead. And it starts right here in my head.

So join me - close your eyes and take a breath. Now focus on one good thing in your life right now and on all other wonderful things to happen this week. And... go!

Surviving jobhunting

Jobhunting is far from being all puppies and rainbows. Especially if you're unemployed whilst doing it it's downright soul-destroying. So how do you survive it? How do you keep from going mental and coming out on the other side as a strong individual? Well, I don't actually have a magic potion to share, but here's what I try to implement in my case!

1. Grieve. Jobhunting is a brutal business, so give yourself some time (key work here being some!) to heal before getting back up and getting yourself out there. It's alright to feel a bit lost and sad because of this new reality. Sometimes you need to take a step back so you can take two steps forward. To gain momentum, like pushing a coiled spring downwards before releasing it.
2. Make a plan. Don't just go through the motions, instead take the time to draw up a plan of what you want to do first, then second, then third, etc. Start with tweaking your CV, then see what comes next. You can create a profile on several jobhunting websites, contact recruitment agencies directly and see if you can be one of their candidates, jobhunt for jobs online, etc.
3. Be organised. Keep track of what you're doing. I find that keeping a spreadsheet with all the jobs I've applied to on any given day will help keep track of my progress and monitor how well things are going. Don't deceive yourself saying you've applied to loads of things - be specific and know your numbers! If you do create that handy spreadsheet, try to keep it tidy and updated as much as possible. I separate my applications by website, so that I can easily see when was the last time I visited any of my regular places. This way I never stay away for too long and never miss any new jobs. I also take the time to colour code it to highlight the jobs that have rejected my application or the ones I'm currently chasing.
4. Make your own schedule. Having some routine is key to keeping your cool longterm. I get up every workday at 7am and find it does me a world of good as opposed to just sleeping in. Jobhunting is a serious business, so I try to face it like a pro! I do it Monday to Friday and a bit on Saturday mornings before starting off my well deserved weekend. I like stability, so having a sort of regular life whilst unemployed helps to keep my sanity close to intact. Find how to have a productive day and then stick to it on a regular basis.
5. Keep a diary. Everyday I make a list of everything I want to achieve that day. From making the bed and making a load of laundry to jobhunting, booking a dental appointment or chasing up on that interview I'm supposed to hear about soon. And then as the day goes by I make my way through that list, ticking everything I've done so far. This make sound a bit childish, but truth be told it makes a huge difference to me. Since I've started doing this I've never felt the days slowly dragging along again. It also keeps my laziness at bay by reminding me of what I still have to do that day.
6. Pamper yourself. Jobhunting is hard, so take a bit here and there to pamper yourself. Take yourself out to lunch once a week or take a 20 minute break with your book and a cup of tea. Heck, if you're ahead of your own schedule take a bit of the afternoon off and go to the cinema. And make sure to put it all on your diary-list-thingy. Look at those pampering moments and therapeutic breaks for your sanity and to reboost your ego. And it's always another tick!
7. Find a new project. I believe you should be serious about your jobhunting; do it a few hours everyday and keep a close eye on everything that's going on. That being said I don't think it doable to jobhunt for eight hours a day every single day. Not without going crazy within 72 hours or less. So with the time you have left in your day try to find a new project. Remember when you still had a job and kept postponing things because you didn't have the time? Well you can make the most of it now! I'm currently going through my cupboards and trying to maximise storage space in our flat, next I might get some crafts projects going, start on the Christmas batch of handmade presents.
8. Clock out. If you're serious about your jobhunting and do it regularly and methodically then there should be no reason for you to feel guilty for switching off your computer at 6pm (or whatever time you decide is best for you). The beauty of being serious about it during your work week is that you can enjoy your time "out of the office" guilt free. Because - to me at least! - there's nothing worse than when jobhunting takes over your life and you feel bad for having a nice life outside of it. When you feel guilty because you're not hooked to your computer looking for yet another role to apply to.
9. Stay positive. In the end it's just a numbers game. Do your best and the rest will follow. And in the meantime make the most of your "free" time. Make it count and believe something great is always just about to happen. Sooner or later it'll happen, so there's no need to drive yourself into despair until then!

The angst from a world of choice

I love to read. Always have and suspect always will. When people ask me what I like to read I'm often at a loss for words because I can read pretty much anything. Mostly I read fiction and I tend to stay away from girly romance stuff and crime/horror novels. Other than that I'll read anything that remotely spikes my interest. So I'm acutely, painstakingly aware that I will never - ever! - read all the books I want even if I devoted my life entirely to that wonderful task. There are just too many books!

The problem here is mostly the variety of genres and topics I will pick up. Say you're a hardcore sci-fi reader. You have a vast but limited amount of titles to choose from and throughout the years you can feel that you are actually making a dent, you can see your progress and call yourself a true hardcore sci-fi reader. Me on the other hand, not so much. Because I have such varied taste in books I can't actually call myself an expert on anything. And worst of all, the number of titles on my do-read list is endless (and growing bigger and bigger by the year). Which is why I say if I were ever given the choice of a superpower I'd choose the ability to freeze time so I could make the most of all by hobbies and have time for all those books!

And the same applies to everything else. People sometimes point out that I don't stick to things, that I'll be doing yoga or knitting a scarf and without rhyme or reason, at the flick of an invisible switch, I'll stop and move on to something else (sometimes I'll get back to it within a week or a year, sometimes I won't). There just isn't enough time, people! So I'll dab a bit here and a bit there, try a bit of this and a bit of that because it's just physically impossible to seriously devote myself to the things I love because there's just too many of them and only one of me! So unless I get bitten by a very special kind of spider, I don't think I can change things that much.

Picture this: you're a grown-up with a full-time job and a flat that you share with your loved one. In your spare time (which you can see is limited) you'd like to read loads of books, watch loads of movies, stitch, knit, dance, sing, do yoga, learn French, learn Spanish, socialise, travel, play loads of boardgames, etc, etc, etc. Either you pick a couple and neglect everything else, or you take turns between your hobbies. Simple as that.

I haven't got this completely down yet (who knows if I ever will!) but for now the trick is to focus on what you're doing and not look at the bigger picture too much. If I look around my local bookshop too much I'll end up like a hyperactive puppy on coffee, just running around and thinking to myself "I want this one, and this one and - oh look!, shiny! I want that one as well!" Not a pretty picture. Not to mention the angst of knowing you'll never get through them all.

Other than that I just go with the flow. Yes, I'm like a fickle butterfly going from flower to flower without a care in the world, but all these things I've mentioned are hobbies, so what does it matter how I go about it or if I ever become a master at any of them? As long as I'm having fun, right?

Thankful Thursday # 11

I can't believe it's this time of the week again. Not that I'm complaining, I love my weekly day of gratitude, I just can't understand where time is going... Anyway here we are and it's time to get thankful!

1. My family. This hasn't been an item in a while, partly because I live so far away from them and we interact so little that it's all too easy to forget to mention them here. We've lived through some really hard times but over the years (especially this year) I've come to realise how important my family is to the person I am today. All things considered they've been a lot more supportive of this new adventure of mine than I could've expected. When your dad pulls an all-nighter to drive you to the airport at 4am and hugs you goodbye with a smile (even though you've caught him tear up when you were in line for the check in) you know you have a reason to be thankful.
2. My boyfriend. These past couple of weeks we've been apart and I don't think I went a moment without his support. I'm extraordinarily lucky to have someone by my side that is so understanding and supportive. He encourages me to be better and better and he has my back whenever the Universe decides to pull the rug from under my feet.
3. Sunny days in the UK. I just got back from Portugal, where it's nice and sunny and I was having such a nice time I didn't want to come back to the Midlands. So waking up to a sunny day is the best way to get back on track and fall in love with my adopted country again. Thank you, weather gods, you've done good today!
4. The Lisbon book fair. I used to go every single year and have only missed the last three due to living abroad and never being in Lisbon during the fair. For everyone in the Midlands, imagine the German Christmas market but with good weather and books. It's been expertly organised, with little stalls of traditional food turned fancy, lots of places to sit and chill in the shade, events and activities and... cheaper books! What's not to love. I went a bit crazy (having been deprived of the experience for three years!) and got myself 12 new babies to read. Result!
5. Keeping myself busy. When you're out of a job it's massively important to stay busy. If I didn't I'd end up not getting out of bed by the third day. Last time I was unemployed I had to come up with a system to stay busy and on top of things at all times, so now it feels like slipping an old familiar glove in your hand. I know when I get up, what time I go to bed and what my goals and plans are for the in between times. And boy does this help!
6. My impromptu holiday in Portugal. I know I'm still a bit zonked and massively missing my country and family, but it was exactly what I needed to set me right for this new (and hopefully brief) chapter of my life. I've been with the people I love, I grieved the loss of something truly great and I've matured my plans for the future. And now onwards with my life! See you next week, everyone!

Thankful Thursday # 10

Good morning, everyone! Without further ado here are this week's reasons to be happy:

1. Being with the people you love. Having been here last ten months ago I have missed everyone terribly. And thankfully part of that longing doesn't rear its ugly head until I actually see them again, which is good, you get to kill that I've missed you feeling straight away. And I've been gleefully murdering it every day.
2. Family birthdays in person. Because I only visit Portugal in the Summer and during the Christmas holidays I resigned myself to the idea that there were a lot of things I would forever miss. Namely spending family birthdays with my family. Well, today's my brother's birthday (and tomorrow's my aunt's) and I'm here! Hurray!
3. Portuguese bread. Seriously. If I could I would empty my suitcase and travel to the UK bringing nothing but pounds and pounds of delicious bread. Damn it, why did I have to bring pointless things like clothes and mobile chargers?
4. Having quiet head space. Yummy moments with no one around, just the music you want to listen to and the things you want to do, no strict schedules, so you can take your time, and just treasure your own company.
5. The book fair. The book fair, everyone! Again, as said in #2, I never imagined I would see another book fair for many, many years to come. And yet due to this unexpected turn of events here I am, ready to hunt for literary bargains and have farturas (think churros without the filling) in the park.
6. A sunny weekend at the beach. I don't want to jinx it, so I almost didn't write about it, but here goes... The weather's been crappy since I got here (literally, it turned the day I landed) and tomorrow we're heading off to the beach for a few days. It's basically a bring your sunscreen and your book scenario. Nothing much to do but bask in the sun and read 200 pages a day. Yes please!
7. Finding your off switch. I'm a worrier and it stresses me out. Yet somehow most times my brain still retains the power to switch off the ability to see grand picture and be happy with minor details of my life. I could be freaking out because I've been made redundant a couple of weeks ago. Instead I choose to detatch myself from that for now and enjoy my impromptu holiday. I may not have a job at the moment but hey! cheaper books and birthday cakes!
8. Getting closure and having an action plan. The good thing about seeing all your friends and family is that every time you meet someone for the first time during the holiday you have to explain yet again what happened to your former job and what you're planning to do next. I was actually dreading it because I didn't think it would give me a chance to get any closure and move on, but I found that it really helps. Having to repeat myself on this issue again and again helps me to remember the great things I can take away from my job, how much I loved it and everyone in it, how much I learned and grew and it solidifies my resolve leaving me increasingly more confident with my plans for the future. And that's just plain awesome!

Thankful Thursday # 9

Have you missed this space, boys and girls? I have, but it so happens that weeks have been flying by so fast that I never remember it's Thursday until we get to Friday. So lets seize this opportunity and carry on this fine tradition:

1. Sunshine. It just makes everything better. And it certainly makes me happier and in a great mood.
2. Being home with the family. This has been an unexpected turn of events, having an impromptu holiday, but I decided to make the most of it and just enjoy the time spent next to my loved ones.
3. My lovely boyfriend. In the face of a new crisis he is my rock and he is the sort of person to let me do whatever is best to heal myself. Even if that means dropping our plans so I can fly back to Portugal for a bit.
4. The last five months. I've never - ever! - been as happy as I've been in the past five months. It pains me that there's nothing in my power that would allow me to extend that period of time indefinitely, but I won't cry over it (anymore). I will hold my head high and my heart open, still bursting from all the good I got from that time, and I will brave my future with a smile, knowing those five months made me a better person.
5. Portuguese food. Losing weight and keeping a diet whilst on holiday in Portugal takes a will of steel. It's one thing to dream of chocolate kidneys (not actual kidneys covered in chocolate, we're not that mad), it's quite another to see them less than a foot away and actually being able to buy them.
6. Having time for myself. I don't actually feel I needed it that much, to be honest, however I'm determined to make the most of it and to enjoy it as much as possible. To take it as an opportunity to do things I don't normally get to do. To go on an adventure by myself.

Where is the life that once I led?*

Three days ago I was leading my life as normal. It was just another awesome day. I was happy, everything in my life seemed to be coming together. I had a job I loved, I was maddly in love with the greatest man I've ever met and with whom I've been sharing my life and a flat for almost three years, I was surrounded by amazing people, I had my holidays booked for the summer and then Christmas at my dad's (finally!), loads of cute little plans for the next couple of weeks of getting together with friends, going to Comic Con in London, picnics and all sorts of outings.

And then something changed. And my life seems to have been turned upside down like one of those snow globes that you shake and I know that even when I manage to get back to the right position and angle nothing will be the same. The snowflakes that made up my life will fall differently and I will need to adjust to a new reality.

I have decided that I will be positive about it. Or as positive as I can. Make no mistake, I am distraught. The life I was living was close to perfect. So no, I do not want it to change, not one small bit of it. And yet it must. So the only choice I have in the matter is how to face the storm. In the words of Daenerys Targaryen "If I look back I am lost", so instead of acknowledging what I've lost and how awesome my life was just three days ago I need to look forward. I need to think how I can make this new reality work. I need to distill these past few months and take with me only the good bits that will allow me to have a brighter future than I would've had if those five months hadn't existed at all.

I will persevere and I will weather this storm better equiped than I've ever been before. Sure, it hurts now. It will probably still hurt for a very long time. But as the days go by I believe the choices I've made so far will turn out to be the right ones for me. I have a sort of plan. And somehow it will work out in the end. Because happiness isn't just a collection of good things that happen to you, but the sum of effort, luck, the right frame of mind and a desire to make things work. 

*Kiss me Kate, The Musical

April in review

Wow it's been a while since I last wrote anything, which, boys and girls, is a sign of a busy life! Yes, it's been a whirlwind of events lately. And I find myself more than halfway through May to a point where it's getting a bit hard to think back on my life a few weeks ago. But lets give it a shot nonetheless, shall we?

The grand event in April was our trip to Morocco. It was the setting in stone of this new chapter in our lives. The new job brought a world of hope with it and we could see so many new milestones practically within our grasp, a life with proper holiday getaways such as a short trip to Morocco. The trip itself was absolutely amazing - two days in Marrakesh and two days in the desert. I rode a camel even though I'm massively scared of heights. We spoke a mish-mash of several languages put together. We dared to explore a country that put us way out of our comfort zone, where if you got lost you had no way to even read the street signs. Where food and customs were so different from our own. And we had a great time!

In April I celebrated three months at the new job. Still massively in love with it, every day a bit more. Everything about it is still perfect and it is with great joy that I get up every monday morning and head off to another fun day doing my job around such great people.

In terms of leisure this was the month when we started exploring a bit more. We had a falconry session somewhere in Sheffield. We explored some of our local restaurants. We went abroad. We discovered new places and new things to do in the Midlands.

Also there was Lent. 40-odd days with no chocolate. To be honest I never truly believed I could pull it off all the way to the end, but somehow I persevered through the whole thing, for which I am massively happy! And now who knows? The sky is the limit when you realise that most of your short-comings and limitations are only in your head.

And that's it for April, boys and girls. Soon enough there'll be another month for me to reflect upon, so let me get on with my life, shall I?