A while before I moved to the UK I did a short musical theatre course. In the middle of all the great people I met there there was this girl, eighteen or nineteen at the time and with all the certainty of what she wanted from life. She wanted to be a musical theater performer, a real one. Not someone who dabs at it after work but someone who actually makes it their bread and butter. I envied that. I also felt a certain amount of... pity. I say this because I imagined how hard it was going to be even if you're really, really talented. And she was, except in the vocal area. I don't mean anything mean by it, but when she started, when I knew her, I felt her voice was a bit coarse. Of course, her voice was untrained and so her vocal range was limited and a lot of notes felt strained and forced. But I respected and deeply admired her choice of pursuing her passion. In my heart I wished her all the luck in the world. And so our paths parted.
Yesterday I found a video of her in one of the latest productions she was in. And if it didn't have her name on it I would never, ever have believed that was the same voice. She grew vocally from a duckling to a swan, if you pardon the overused cliché. The voice I heard had a tridimentional quality to it, a shine and shimmer. It glittered and it shone like running water in the sunlight. And I was never happier to be proven wrong. It's proof that talent means very little next to hard work and dedication.
And to be perfectly honest, apart from feeling happy for her I felt sad for myself. Sad because I can feel my voice shrinking a bit more with every passing year. It's like any other muscle, if you don't work it it goes back to what it was before you first attempted to conquer a new note. And I left the stage behind me a long time ago.
In my heart and my head I know how stupid this all sounds. I made all the right choices for me and I would make them all the same again. I would've loved to have a career on stage, but I would never be ready for all the hurdles and rejection it entails. And even if I did succeed, I wouldn't want the life that comes with it. I want the suburban dream. I want a family and lots of books and a house and weekends off. I wouldn't change my current life for the world! The perfect better half, the amazing job, the life in a foreign country, our rented flat, all the bookshelves and all the shared dreams for the future.
Besides I'm not even in my thirties yet! I have a life of dreams to chase. And then there's always amateur productions, when the time is right. I firmly believe I'm not done with the stage yet. This is just a very long hiatus. I'll get back to it when the time is right for me. Right?
No comments:
Post a Comment