Overcoming the small impossible

Let me tell you about my relationship with chocolate. Me and chocolate go way back. Further than what you're probably thinking. More than just loving it and craving it I think there's a sort of emotional connection on a primal level. Eat chocolate - feel better, kinda thinking. I tend to have it every time I feel deeply sad or stress and it always makes me feel less (insert bad feeling here). Emotional disarray always leads to chocolate. Great joys lead to chocolate as well because you feel invencible and it's not the lack of a bit of chocolate that is going to dampen your happiness, so you celebrate with chocolate.

And such were my childhood and teenage years. But the thing is I'm a grown up now and even though I now have the tools to face my own problems and actively live the life I want to have, the chocolate as a drug and a need has never left. And I genuinely thought I could manage, cut a bit here and there, but that it would always be here. I love chocolate. I do. But ours isn't a healthy relationship because this is not something I can be without for very long. Thirteen days was my record. Until now.

Looking at my life right now this is my strongest year by far. I have a job I love, I have wonderful people around me and I go home to the most amazing man I've ever met. I'm healthy, I'm happy and I lead a good life. So if ever there was a time to start this was it. This year, a bit on a whim, I decided on Pancake Day to give up chocolate for Lent. Cold turkey, just like that. And in my head I thought "Yeah, yeah, lets entertain this for as long as possible... which will not be 40 days, not a chance... ever!" Every day I got a bit more surprised that I was still going strong. And now here I am, less than 24 hours from the end of my own challenge with my chocolate intake at a glowing zero.

I never thought I'd last the whole of Lent. Ever. Eeeever!! So to be able to prove to myself that I can, is a complete game changer. The truth of the matter is I undersell myself constantly. It's a by-product of years and years of traumatic experiences that I should by now have overcome. I didn't think I had it in me to do this, which is why I had never attempted this before. This proves how much I can accomplish if I put my mind to it. This small and massive victory will be extrapolated and incorporated into other areas of my life. If I think I can, then I'm already halfway there.

I feel proud and well chuffed. I did it. By George, I really did it (break into song, everyone!) I overcame my limitations because I dared to. I will continue to eat chocolate, not nearly as much as before, but a bit every now and then. But the humdinger is I will never become its bitch again. No more clutches and dependencies for me. This was a much needed breakup of an unhealthy relationship and there'll be no going back!

Downfall

A few weeks ago I heard one of the most famous Portuguese pop singers is working in a McDonalds. A few days ago I found in a gossip magazine that one of Portugal's best known actors is working in a clothes shop. Times are hard. Harder than they've ever been. I don't mean to say any of these jobs are in any way demeaning, not at all. There's no shame in honest hard work (I've worked in sandwich shops for two years myself), but the example goes to show how tough things are back home.

Meanwhile the term "brain drain" has earned daily usage as more and more young and highly educated people desert the country in hopes of a better future elsewhere. Or even just a future. It's sad when you realize that the friends you left behind - people that work as University professors or have office jobs in high profile companies - are bringing home less money than you cleaning tables in a foreign country (for which I'm deeply grateful on my end of things).

I abandoned ship before it started to sink and for different reasons, chiefly among them because I wanted to share my life with the most wonderful person I've ever met, and that meant moving a thousand miles from home. Whatever my reasons were I'm glad I did it. I love my life here. Living in the Midlands I know that if all goes well and if I work hard enough I can look forward to many happy milestones - marriage, our own house, kids, the whole suburban dream. Maybe even have a bit left over for a few treats - holidays, days out, etc. And I'm not sure I'd have any of this if I had stayed back home.

It's deeply saddening to see your homeland fare so badly and people living worse and worse. But in the long run you only have one life to live and I'm happy with the choices I've made so far. And who knows? Maybe things will pick up back home. They could hardly do otherwise. Fingers crossed.

Thankful Thursday # 8

It's been a while since we've done this, boys and girls, and I feel I've become a bit rusty. Never fear, it's time for another go! Here's this today's blessings:

1. My job. For the last few weeks I've seen people I love being drained of all their energy because conditions at the workplace are unsustainable on so many levels. So I'm really, really grateful that my job is very much a happy place for me.
2. Vegetarian days. For the second time in a month I've had a bit of a vegetarian phase without actually realising it until I was well into it. This makes me feel extraordinarily happy. Who knew the person that could barely tolerate a few leaves of lettuce on her plate and that had to make an effort to eat a piece of fruit a week could spend almost a full week on fruit and veg and giving up chocolate? Which brings me to the next item...
3. My Lent challenge. I'm not a religious person (even though I was raised catholic) but I'm a sucker for challenges (sometimes it's even the only way to get me to do things I'm not particularly excited about). And I'm well proud to say that 30 days into it and I have not broken my promise yet. Hurrah, this would call for a treat, except that would sort of defeat the purpose... Damn it!
4. The personal pampering time I had for myself last night. I've been feeling really, really tired and drained of energy (that's lack of proper sleep and a few busy weekends for you) and yesterday I decided to make the most of my time alone in the house. I did my workout, tidied up and then went to bed at 7:35. And for about 90 minutes I read my book, drank my tea, listened to French music on my laptop and did some stitching, all of it done in the comfort of our bed. It was utter bliss and I'm feeling so much more energised now!
5. Daffodils. Tis the season to see the roads all peppered with white and yellow and it's absolutely lovely. It's the coming of Spring (although someone bring the good tidings upstairs, because I don't think anyone from the sky department has heard of it yet, what with all the cloudy weather we've been having) and everything looks so much prettier and brighter. All we need now is a bit of sunshine and more warmth.

And here we are! Same time next week?

March in review

March is difficult month to look back on precisely because, much like January and February it went by in a flash. I know I keep repeating myself, but seriously, where's the time flying to and why is it in such a hurry to be gone?

So I'll list simply some of the details that I can remember off the top of my head of yet another month that went past in a blur faster than a bullet train.

March was my third month at the new job and I can say I'm still immensely happy in that department (which would help account to the speed at which time seems to fly nowadays). March was when we went to our first Comic Con and had such a great time we're already planning the next one in a few months. It is the month when the Portuguese celebrate Father's Day, to which I played my part in advance and sent a parcel full of goodies back home. It was a fairly busy social month. In March I had the very first fully vegetarian week of my life, all without even trying (in fact I only realized the absence of meat in my diet by day 5). No, I didn't turn to the green side, I'm very much a meat eater, but it's great to see how much healthier my relationship with fruit and veg is.

By far the greatest achievement in the whole month was a half hearted challenge I posed myself - to do Lent properly and give up chocolate for 40 days. I never - ever! - expected to go all the way, it was just nice and healthy to give it a go and see how far I could make it. The most I've ever spend without my drug of choice was 13 days a few years ago. Now I'm well chuffed to announce that 28 days into it and still no chocolate has touched my lips (they've come very close... I've sniffed a lot of chocolate, but I've managed to resist temptation so far).

On a very close second is my exercise program. I managed to exercise 24 out of 31 days. Not a brilliant score, but really not bad. I don't see a thing on the scale, but I can see a massive difference in the mirror, and that's really where it counts, right?

And so it is with a smile that we turn to April, a month with a lot in store. So, that being said, it's time to log off and get started!

Planning ahead

One thing I've learned is that there are some celebratory days from home that cannot go amiss. Even though you're living abroad some dates from your homeland must still stand, if not for your sake, for the sake of the loved ones you left behind. Because even though you're somewhere new where you can clearly feel (and see) you've turned a new leaf,  where there's new customs and ways to learn, for them the world is still the same minus your presence and the gap you left in their lives.

Remembering and acting accordingly takes effort. You might think it won't, that you'll always remember those dates, but don't underestimate the importance the media has in being our calendar. This year if it wasn't for the Portuguese podcast I listen to every morning on my way to work I'd surely have forgotten about Father's Day until it was too late. If you think about it you probably never had to remember an important celebratory day without it being fully advertised at least two weeks in advance. Think about it... I'm sure you can now see how right I am in this. Unknowingly and without much effort we rely on the media to remind us of the important dates. Christmas, Valentines, Easter, Mother's Day, Pancake Day, etc, etc. You think it's all you, but if all that visual reinforcement wasn't there can you really be so sure you'd remember?

Then there's the matter of time. When you live nearby to those you love a card and a present bought on the eve of the event might suffice. When you live a thousand miles away... not so much. So you need to remember with time to spare and act in advance. To mail a present or arrange some sort of surprise for the person intended.

The trickiest one for me is Father's Day. Because it's a day that is also celebrated in the UK I think my brain kind of relaxes a bit and doesn't dwell on it too much. The problem is that here Father's Day is in June and in Portugal is in March. So if I want to send a Father's Day card to my dad I have two options: 1) print one myself when closer to the date or 2) buy one in June and pray I still remember where the hell I've put it when March comes rolling by. Or 3) buy a father's birthday card and scratch the birthday bit. I guess which one happened this year? Exactly, 3).

Anyhoot, the message here is simple: remember, remember, your loved ones are still living by their country's calendar, not your new one, so if you want to keep celebrating those special days you need to go about it with a lot less spontaneity than you did before. Planning here is key to making everyone happy. And avoid nasty last minute surprises. Which I guess we can all do without.

A meerkat in Paris

Last year we had a short getaway to Paris. It was in a word idillic, in two movie-like. We arrived at our little hotel close to the Gare du Nord at night, spent the next day strolling around the city doing many touristy things and flew back the next (before I had time to eat half the city's supply of macaroons). And it was absolutely perfect. Paris is a city destined to steal hearts. At least mine.

Oddly enough I think I appreciate Paris all the more now that I'm living abroad. Because this city (and I guess France in general) feels so much closer to home than the UK. Don't get me wrong, I love love love living in the Midlands, but this is a land where I had to adapt and learn so much because even the tiny things are so different from the way things are in Portugal. In Paris I would look outside our window and if I ignored the street names and the language I could pretend I was in downtown Lisbon. Because the city itself and the culture are so close to home. It makes sense for things to be this way, I mean, Portugal and France are both romance cultures, whereas the UK is germanic so those two are bound to be closer. Also for decades France has been the number one destination for Portuguese that wish to live abroad, so I imagine you could easily find a community to support you and all your national cravings.

And it got me thinking - what would've happened if I (we) had chosen to move to France instead? Language-wise it might have been harder at first, simply because I dedicated so much of my life to master the English language and practically ignored the French, even though it's so much closer to my mother tongue. But two weeks, maybe a month, and I'd be fine on that score. Architecturally it'd be bittersweet because it would be so much closer to home and yet it would be someplace new. Still, very small learning curve, I believe. Culturally it would be much easier than the UK. I find the French frame of mind is very similar to the Portuguese, so again, very low impact. Moving to France would be like being a foreigner in a parallel, alternate version of home. Sure it isn't the same as being in Portugal, several things I can't even think of now would make it hard to adapt, maybe we'd have to jump through different hoops than the ones we had when moving to the UK, yet I can't help but feel that overall it would've been so much easier.

One the flight back I was a bit sadden by all the troubles and tribulations that could have been avoided had we made a different geographic choice. How much simpler it could've been. How much closer to home we could be on so many aspects. I envied all the foreigners living in Paris for how easy they had it.

But that's all neither here nor there. At the end of the day I know all those feeling and thoughts were nothing more than a meaningless fancy born of the desire to cling to my own hometown. I love living here, I moved to this country for a variety of reasons and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Sure, when in Paris it all felt a bit like a lot pointless pain and effort to go through when in comparison, but deep down I know everything I experienced as a foreigner, despite how steep the learning curve, was worth it. This is the country where I fell in love with a truly wonderful man. It's where our home is. Where I got the best job in the world. And it's I hope to spends many happy decades. Where I wish to build my future. This is now my home.

And Paris will always be there, just a flight away. Waiting to be rediscovered. Again and again.

Thankful Thrusday # 7

Hello, everyone! I know it's a bit late into the day, but are you ready to get thanful? Here we go!

1. My boyfriend. Back to the basics this week. When all is said and done this is one of the biggest blessings I have in my life. I live with an amazing partner without whom my life would be miserable and pitiful in comparison to what I have living by his side.
2. My job. It's been some mad couple of weeks, but I go home knowing it was towards something important and meaningful. Plus I love what I do and the people I work with, which makes my days so much more interesting. For the very first time in my life I am truly happy in the whole work department.
3. Lent. Even though I'm catholic I'm not really that religious. This year, however I decided to do Lent and give up something. Chocolate. I know! Forty days with no chocolate?? For now I'm keeping true to my resolution (even though I spent half my day next to an open box of Cadburys fingers!), not really because of religious purposes, but because I really need to stick to it and a challenge is a great way to get results (if you stick to it).
4. Disposable income. I trully appreciate the fact that I don't need to count pennies through the month. I pamper myself every workday with fresh toast and every now and then I lunch out. And to be able to do it in a carefree manner feels great!
5. Staying afloat and rising to the challenge. This week I had a lot on my plate and had several challenges and new responsibilities to deal with and I'm grateful I managed to stay on top of everything. It's been a steep learning curve, but I'm so proud of myself that it should be put in writing.
6. Porridge. Who knew I could be a cereal person? The fact of the matter is I love my morning porridge breakfast with banana and cinnamon. Yummy and filling for several hours. Perfect!
7. Having time to relax. The next several weekends are filled with good stuff. Friends over, pizza, shopping sprees, a falconry lesson, a trip to somewhere new and hopefully many memorable moments. So I'm taking this weekend to celebrate the fact that we can just sit back and relax. Just us.

Swapping and mixing traditions

Yesterday the Portuguese celebrated Carnival (think Hallowe'en without the scary and ghoulish bits). Here in the UK it was National Pancake Day. As a foreigner I get to choose which to concentrate on (internally at least... I don't think people at the office would appreciate having me in a costume without good reason...). Being a foreigner means that you get to decide what to focus on. It can be where you came from, where you are or both (or none, but what's the fun in that?).

Usually I try to do both if possible (the more partying the better, right?), here, because I never was much of a Carnival kinda person (or maybe I just never had much opportunity to fully enjoy it), it was a no brainer - pancakes trump costumes! Since moving this was the easiest native celebratory day to open my heart to. I mean, what's not to love about a day dedicated to eating pancakes?  Right? Yummy, delicious, savoury or sweet pancakes...

Anyhoot, in my experience celebrating with the natives makes it so much easier to feel integrated. By all means celebrate your native holidays and whatnot, but don't let that become a barrier into your new life. Remember, you chose this (or least so I like to believe). Embrace it. It doesn't mean you'll have to betray your roots or exchange one thing for another. It just means you can have a fuller calendar. And more reasons to celebrate. And that's always a win.

February in review

I know February is the shortest month of the year, but in 2014 the whole thing felt like no more than a week! It just flew by faster than a bullet train. So much so that I'm a bit at a loss for what say about it...

Job-wise it was great! I love, love, love my job and even though lately there's been a mammoth-sized amount of work to be done and I've been running around like a headless chicken, I still love going to work everyday and time just seems to fly faster than I can catch it. It's still quite a new feeling, this thrilling new found love for my profession and I'm just over the moon with it. If I were a morning person I'd jump out of bed every day with a smile on my face... as it is I get up, drag myself around the house, have my beloved first dose of caffeine and will be smiling by the time I leave the house. Not bad indeed!

Besides my busy work life, the rest of my time has been for housework and chilling indoors, preferably in a sitting or fully horizontal position. Or working out. Yes, that has been happening! By the end of the first week of February I began to feel increasingly sluggish, since the vast majority of my day was now spent sitting down in front of a computer. It got to a point where my metabolism had slowed down so much that most days I didn't have dinner because at 7pm I was still full from lunch at 1pm. So I decided to give my body the shock treatment and make it work every single day to perk my metabolism up. Hence I came to Jillian Michael's 30 day body shred. And my does it hurt! And by hurt I mean work. And hurt. I have noticed some minor changes (the minor part due to not doing it every single day like a should, bad meerkat!) and will continue with this for the whole of March.

Then there was my birthday! I love celebrating my birthday! Not so much because of the presents I get, but mostly because I get in touch with so many people that wish me well. Some of whom I don't have much opportunity to catch up with for most of the year. And I love being pampered. And so it was that on the eve of my birthday (because the real thing fell on a saturday) I arrived at work and my desk was filled with goodies - balloons, cake, cupcakes, flowers, a card and a present, the whole nine yards! Oh, and my favourite touch, a youtube video of Happy Birthday being sung in Portuguese. My office is the best! On the day itself me and the boyfriend treated ourselves to a day trip to London. This time for a shopping spree in Portobello market and a taste of Portuguese pastries. I forgot to take the pedometer with me, which was a shame because the overall distance we walked was worthy of note!

The rest is in-between bits. The housework stuff, the commute, the spending quality time with the boyfriend, the saturday strolls around Birmingham, the night reads before turning off the lights, etc, etc. And now onwards to March!

Thankful Thursday # 6

Hello boys and girls. Did you miss Thankful Thursday last week? I really didn't feel like doing it not because I didn't have things to be thankful for, but rather because I just couldn't be bothered. I mean, this is something I do because I like, because it makes me feel better about my life. It shouldn't feel like a chore. So I skipped a week. Ready for this week's batch?

1. Time flying fast. It was only at 5pm today that I realized this was a thursday. Thrusday!! I've been so busy and so concentrated on the things I have going on in my life right now that I can't believe tomorrow isn't just tuesday. Weeks simply have been flying by. And it's great when days don't drag, don't you think.
2. As a result of time flying by, tomorrow's a friday! Weekend ahead! Woop woop!
3. Celebrating my birthday. Not because of the presents, but rather because I love being showered will all the attention, all the phone calls and facebook updates and hearing from people I don't get much of a change to speak to most of the year except on special occasions. And cake! All hail cake!
4. Lack of traffic on half term weeks. Usually it takes me forty five minutes to get to work. This week - all week - I drove happily to my destination in less than twenty.
5. Treating myself to a day trip to London, one of the three cities that hold the key to my heart. I even like the train trip, just perfect for a bit of extra and much craved for reading.
6. Having fun at the workplace. Which I do, every single day! Tomorrow I'm banned from the office until it's actually my time to start working... I suspect there may be birthday cake involved in all this plotting...