Overcoming the small impossible

Let me tell you about my relationship with chocolate. Me and chocolate go way back. Further than what you're probably thinking. More than just loving it and craving it I think there's a sort of emotional connection on a primal level. Eat chocolate - feel better, kinda thinking. I tend to have it every time I feel deeply sad or stress and it always makes me feel less (insert bad feeling here). Emotional disarray always leads to chocolate. Great joys lead to chocolate as well because you feel invencible and it's not the lack of a bit of chocolate that is going to dampen your happiness, so you celebrate with chocolate.

And such were my childhood and teenage years. But the thing is I'm a grown up now and even though I now have the tools to face my own problems and actively live the life I want to have, the chocolate as a drug and a need has never left. And I genuinely thought I could manage, cut a bit here and there, but that it would always be here. I love chocolate. I do. But ours isn't a healthy relationship because this is not something I can be without for very long. Thirteen days was my record. Until now.

Looking at my life right now this is my strongest year by far. I have a job I love, I have wonderful people around me and I go home to the most amazing man I've ever met. I'm healthy, I'm happy and I lead a good life. So if ever there was a time to start this was it. This year, a bit on a whim, I decided on Pancake Day to give up chocolate for Lent. Cold turkey, just like that. And in my head I thought "Yeah, yeah, lets entertain this for as long as possible... which will not be 40 days, not a chance... ever!" Every day I got a bit more surprised that I was still going strong. And now here I am, less than 24 hours from the end of my own challenge with my chocolate intake at a glowing zero.

I never thought I'd last the whole of Lent. Ever. Eeeever!! So to be able to prove to myself that I can, is a complete game changer. The truth of the matter is I undersell myself constantly. It's a by-product of years and years of traumatic experiences that I should by now have overcome. I didn't think I had it in me to do this, which is why I had never attempted this before. This proves how much I can accomplish if I put my mind to it. This small and massive victory will be extrapolated and incorporated into other areas of my life. If I think I can, then I'm already halfway there.

I feel proud and well chuffed. I did it. By George, I really did it (break into song, everyone!) I overcame my limitations because I dared to. I will continue to eat chocolate, not nearly as much as before, but a bit every now and then. But the humdinger is I will never become its bitch again. No more clutches and dependencies for me. This was a much needed breakup of an unhealthy relationship and there'll be no going back!