All my life I wanted to be the perfect blank. The perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect student (this one is slightly debatable, I think it's fairer to say I simply wanted to have the best grades out of everyone). I wanted to be better than my peers at everything. Better at helping around the house. Better at cross stitching. Faster to learn how to ride a bike. Quieter when in close proximity to an adult (because adults loooove a child who knows how to be quiet). And every time I fell short it felt like a sharp sting. I wasn't as good as all those other kids (never mind they weren't perfect either!). I was disappointed in myself and I had let everyone down.
And here is the kicker: it wouldn't make one bit of difference how much I tried, I would ALWAYS fall short of perfect simply because perfect does not exist. And I have forced myself to live a life where all I do is chase a multitude of unattainable carrots at the end of a stick.
Even as an grown adult I still strive for perfect. And even if those rare moments when I did get there, I wouldn't trust that I did. That presentation was perfect, but how can I make it better next time? Dinner was spot on, but how can we make it tastier/faster to cook/cheaper/more exciting? It seems that in my search for perfect nothing, not even perfect would do.
So I ask: why did I keep doing it to myself over and over and over?
In light of this I am taking drastic measures. For the first time in my life I am erasing that word from my vocabulary. Perfect is deceased. It is no more. Not on my lips, and hopefully not in my thoughts either.
I am boycotting perfect.
From now on it's present over perfect for me (which incidentally in the name of the book I'm currently reading, and that helped solidify this new resolve, you can buy it here).
From now on I choose to be. As I am, flaws and all. Right here, right now. And I shall grow organically from this point with no (
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